Why did the crematorium operator get a $500 bonus?

Because he'd urn-ed it.

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What's the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

I won't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error. 8.5

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What is the ideal weight for a lawyer?

About 3 pounds, including the urn.

Why did the crematorium operator get a $500 bonus?

Because he'd urn-ed it.