Why did the crematorium operator get a $500 bonus?

Because he'd urn-ed it.

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What's the difference between a garbanzo and a chick pea?

I'm not spending $100 to have a garbanzo on my face.

Why was Adele's phone bill $500 this month?

She must have called a 1,000 times

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What is the ideal weight for a lawyer?

About 3 pounds, including the urn.

Why didn't the potter get a job?

He didn't *urn* his degree.