00 Jokes

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I wouldn't pay $300 to have a garbanzo bean in my mouth

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What's the difference between a green lentil and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay $200 to have a green lentil on my face.

What's the difference between feminism and a $100 bill?

A $100 bill makes change

What's the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

I won't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error. 8.5

What's the difference between a garbanzo and a chick pea?

I'm not spending $100 to have a garbanzo on my face.

What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild?

A $100 bill.

What do you call a circle of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins! (Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)

Why did the crematorium operator get a $500 bonus?

Because he'd urn-ed it.

What is the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

Well, for starters I would never pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

Why was Adele's phone bill $500 this month?

She must have called a 1,000 times

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Shout Jokes More Shout Jokes

What did the soccer player shout to the baker who's cakes kept sticking to the tin?

LINE IT!

How do you find a British person in a crowd?

1. Shout 0800 00 2. Wait for them to shout 1066.

15 Jokes More 15 Jokes

What do you call a white guy surrounded by 15 black guys?

Coach.

What do you call a guy with 15 rabbits up his arse?

Warren.

1 Jokes More 1 Jokes

Why is DJ Khaled's favorite number 11?

Cuz it has another 1

What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut?

Remove only the top 1% please.

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

How long did Dorothy, the Scarecrow, and the Cowardly Lion have to wait for the Tin Man?

Ten minutes.

What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?

It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds no wait - 13 seconds no wait - 14 seconds no wait......

Morning Jokes More Morning Jokes

What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the evening and 6 legs at night?

I've trapped it in my bedroom, send help...

What is worse than getting a wrong call at 3 AM in the morning?

Getting a right call.

British Jokes More British Jokes

Why can't British people go to North Korea?

Nobody at the ticket counter knows what "north career" means

What do you call a British nanny with an MDMA addiction?

Molly Poppins.

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

What do you call someone who randomly shows up and drinks your alcohol?

Bill Murray.

How do you get a blonde on the roof?

Say the drinks are on the house

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

Why don't jokes in base 8 work?

Because 7 10 11

Why can't your jokes ever make NRA members laugh?

Because jokes don't make people laugh, people make people laugh.