00 Jokes

What's the difference between a green lentil and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay $200 to have a green lentil on my face.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What's the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

I won't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

What's the difference between a garbanzo and a chick pea?

I'm not spending $100 to have a garbanzo on my face.

What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild?

A $100 bill.

What do you call a circle of $100 bills?

Aretha Franklins! (Happy birthday to the Queen of Soul!)

Why did the crematorium operator get a $500 bonus?

Because he'd urn-ed it.

What is the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

Well, for starters I would never pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

Why was Adele's phone bill $500 this month?

She must have called a 1,000 times

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Repost Jokes More Repost Jokes

What do you call a popular joke on reddit?

Repost

Whats the difference between an original joke and a repost?

I dunno, i just click submit

Diet Jokes More Diet Jokes

Why did the Sasquatch go on a diet?

He didn't want to be Obeast.

Why do we need iron in our diets?

Because it's good ferrous.

15 Jokes More 15 Jokes

What do you call a white guy surrounded by 15 black guys?

Coach.

How many Anime characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only 1, but it takes them 15 episodes to do it.

British Jokes More British Jokes

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

What did Gandhi say to the British, after they asked him to move?

Nah, mastay

Morning Jokes More Morning Jokes

Why does a farmer look out of his window in the morning?

Because he can't see through the wall.

What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones?

"I didn't wake up this morning..."

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What happens when you goose a ghost?

You get a hand full of sheet. (Joke from my mom)

Why did the programmer visit the city tour?

Because they were handing out guides for the deaf.

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What do you call a dictatorship founded on the principles of Ethos, Logos & Pathos?

An Aristotalitarian Regime.

Why couldn't the anthropologist find any Lomekwian tools?

They were looking in Oldowan places

800 Jokes More 800 Jokes

What is a caffeine addict's excuse for drinking coffee in the evening?

It's 8:00 somewhere!

Why did the spud lover set his alarm for 8:00?

Because he wanted to get a-po-ta-to clock. to make joke more apparent