Why was Adele's phone bill $500 this month?

She must have called a 1,000 times

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How many photos of Kanye West do you suppose Kanye West has on his phone?

More than 1,000

What do you call a lesbian with 1,000 semi-automatic guns?

Militia Etheridge.

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What month was King Kong born in?

Ape-ril

What did the doctor say to the cancer patient?

You have tumor months to live.

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What is the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

Well, for starters I would never pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

What is my relationship?

Alex: No sorry tha- glares at wife I'll take YOU RUINED MY LIFE KAREN for $800 Alex

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What PC does Adele use?

A Dell.

Why did Adele cross the road?

To say Hello from the other side. I called you a million times.