What animal do I respect most?

The octopus. I have no idea what to do with my hands most of the time, and I only have two of them.

Previous Random Joke Next
Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What did the musician say when he went back in time?

I'll be Bach.

Why Is Chemistry Racist?

It's very selective. Edit. My first time making a joke. I know I can't make a joke. This is not directed at anyone.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What do you call a sentinel with three hands?

A watchman.

What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times?

Two octopuses shaking hands.

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?

They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.

What do you call a person who had to be amputated after being attacked by an animal?

Claude

Octopus Jokes More Octopus Jokes

What happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus?

You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves!

What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?

Reprimand from the university ethics board and immediate withdrawal of all research grants.

Idea Jokes More Idea Jokes

How long have we had that pillow?

Wife: No idea Memory foam pillow: Two years, five months and two days

Why do the Japaneese have squinty eyes?

Do you have any idea how bright a nuke is

Respect Jokes More Respect Jokes

How many Gentlesirs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Screw is such a harsh word, M'Lightbulb. I have too much respect for lamps to use it." Tips fedora

Why don't poor people go to funerals?

They can't afford to pay respects.