What animal do I respect most?

The octopus. I have no idea what to do with my hands most of the time, and I only have two of them.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What do a frozen beer, a burnt pizza, and a pregnant girl have in common?

Failure to pull out in time

Why did the Sudanese boy get arrested in Texas?

I'm not exactly sure, but it was about time.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What has two thumbs and got laid last night?

My hands.

What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?

My hand.

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?

A little otter

What do animals read in zoos?

Gnus papers.

Octopus Jokes More Octopus Jokes

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?

A cow that can milk itself!

How many tickles does an octopus like?

Ten-tickles

Idea Jokes More Idea Jokes

What's that hangin' off ye?

The pirate responds, "arrr! I've no idea, but it's drivin' me nuts!"

Why was the lightbulb invented?

Somebody had an idea.

Respect Jokes More Respect Jokes

Why in the hell do you have so much respect but I don't?

Cat: "You 'bow' while me 'owe'."

What's the integral of 1/cabin with respect to cabin?

Person 2: A log cabin! Person 1: No, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C!!