Octopus Jokes

How many tickles does an octopus like?

Ten-tickles

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What do you call an octopus that loves jokes?

A knock-knocktopus.

What do you get when you cross an octopus and a lion?

A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.

What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?

Reprimand from the university ethics board and immediate withdrawal of all research grants.

What do you get when you mix an octopus and a Mexican?

I don't know, but it sure can wash a lot of dishes.

Where does an octopus go to buy shoes?

Inke

How did the octopus go to the war?

Well armed...

Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark?

The octopus because it is well armed.

What does an octopus have ten of?

Tickles...

What happened to the octopus in the football game?

He had tentackles.

How does an octopus go to war?

Well-Armed

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What animal do I respect most?

The octopus. I have no idea what to do with my hands most of the time, and I only have two of them.

What is an octopus?

An eight-sided cat.

What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?

An octobrave. I'm sorry.

How does an octopus make you laugh?

With ten-tickles

Why couldn't the octopus take off her bra?

It had suction cups.

What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow?

A stern rebuke from the Ethics Committee, and an immediate cessation of funding.

Why are you baking octopus?

So I can get octopi.

What sound does an octopus make?

A squid word.

What did one octopus say to the other octopus?

Will you hold my hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand

What's an octopuses favourite latin saying?

Squid pro quo!

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What happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus?

You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves!

What did the angry octopus say to the octopus that made him mad?

POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW Right in the kisser!

What did the octopus make for desert?

Octopie

How may tickles does it take to make an Octopus laugh?

Tentacles!

What is a gathering of octopus called?

Octoposse

What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times?

Two octopuses shaking hands.

Why couldn't the octopus stop laughing?

Because it had ten tickles

Why are octopuses so dangerous?

Because they TENTACLE.

What family does the octopus belong to?

Pupil: Nobody I know!

What do you call an octopus that's missing one tentacle?

Octopus Prime.

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?

A cow that can milk itself!

What do you call an area where an Octopus is sitting?

Octopied

What do you get when you cross a duck with an octopus?

Fired and blacklisted from the genetics industry.

How do you know you're always about to have fun in the company of an octopus?

Because it's always ten-to-cool time...

Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?

On squid row!

How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus?

Ten-tickles!

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?

Because it was well armed.

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A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.

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Spring break.

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What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant?

A mad scientist.

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Reprimand from the university ethics board and immediate withdrawal of all research grants.

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What kind of shark is always drunk?

A hammeredhead

What's the favourite flavour of sharks?

Shark-o-late!

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What do you get if you cross a woman with a whale?

Your research funding suspended and a severe reprimand from the ethics committee.

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A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.

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A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.

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A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.

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What do you call a Chinese poker face?

A mahjong face

Why don't Chinese Restaurant owners do their dirty dishes?

Because it's too much wok! Sorry, I just made that up!