Octopus Jokes

How many tickles does an octopus like?

Ten-tickles

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What do you call an octopus that loves jokes?

A knock-knocktopus.

What do you get when you cross an octopus and a lion?

A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.

What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?

Reprimand from the university ethics board and immediate withdrawal of all research grants.

What do you get when you mix an octopus and a Mexican?

I don't know, but it sure can wash a lot of dishes.

Where does an octopus go to buy shoes?

Inke

What do you get when you mix a Mexican with an octopus?

I dont know, but it sure as hell can pick apples.

How did the octopus go to the war?

Well armed...

Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark?

The octopus because it is well armed.

What does an octopus have ten of?

Tickles...

What happened to the octopus in the football game?

He had tentackles.

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How does an octopus go to war?

Well-Armed

What animal do I respect most?

The octopus. I have no idea what to do with my hands most of the time, and I only have two of them.

How did Paul, the octopus, originally die?

Torres went and asked Paul proudly, "How many goals will I end up with after thia this World Cup " Paul died laughing.

What is an octopus?

An eight-sided cat.

What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?

An octobrave. I'm sorry.

How does an octopus make you laugh?

With ten-tickles

Why couldn't the octopus take off her bra?

It had suction cups.

What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow?

A stern rebuke from the Ethics Committee, and an immediate cessation of funding.

Why are you baking octopus?

So I can get octopi.

What sound does an octopus make?

A squid word.

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What did one octopus say to the other octopus?

Will you hold my hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand

What's an octopuses favourite latin saying?

Squid pro quo!

What happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus?

You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves!

What did the angry octopus say to the octopus that made him mad?

POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW Right in the kisser!

What did the octopus make for desert?

Octopie

How may tickles does it take to make an Octopus laugh?

Tentacles!

What is a gathering of octopus called?

Octoposse

What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times?

Two octopuses shaking hands.

Why couldn't the octopus stop laughing?

Because it had ten tickles

Why are octopuses so dangerous?

Because they TENTACLE.

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What family does the octopus belong to?

Pupil: Nobody I know!

What do you call an octopus that's missing one tentacle?

Octopus Prime.

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?

A cow that can milk itself!

What do you call an area where an Octopus is sitting?

Octopied

What do you get when you cross a duck with an octopus?

Fired and blacklisted from the genetics industry.

How do you know you're always about to have fun in the company of an octopus?

Because it's always ten-to-cool time...

Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?

On squid row!

What gave you that idea?

Queried the octopus. "Oh, I have inside information" said the whale.

How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus?

Ten-tickles!

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?

Because it was well armed.

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What if sharks hug with their mouths?

Just sayin.

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What do Godzilla and shrimp have in common?

They both crustaceans

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Tacos.

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They tend to be shells of their former selves

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Si-MOO-taniously

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What did the butcher say to the cow?

I love you for your inner beauty.

What do you call a cow that can't moo?

A milk dud Credit to my 5 year old nephew