Lion Jokes

What do you call a deceptive feline?

A lion. Get it guys lol? Lion Lying I'll pounce myself out now...

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What do you call a lion with a fancy hat?

A dandy lion.

Where do lions go if they lose their tails?

To the re-tail store.

Why was the lion alone and disheartened?

He lost his pride in a bet

What do you get when you cross an octopus and a lion?

A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.

Why couldn't you trust the king of the jungle?

He was a lion.

Why did the lion lose at poker?

He was playing with a cheetah.

Why can you trust no one in the savannah?

Cause they be lion.

Why was the lion a terrible cannibal?

He couldn't swallow his pride.

What did the Lion say to the Rhino?

Y NO LEGS!

How do lions like their steaks?

RAWR

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What do you call the king of the jungle in the land down under?

Australian. Yes I know lions aren't jungle animals, but as per common nomenclature etc etc yadda yadda raspberry

What does it mean when a lion roars?

Shut up. The movie is about to start.

What is the fiercest animal in the savanna?

The. Because the lion is not as fierce as it seems...

What's yellow and smells like a zebra?

Lion vomit.

Why did the lion always lose at poker?

He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs!

What happens when you zip up a lion?

It rars

Why don't the zebra and the lion like to play cards in the prairie?

CAUSE THERE'S TOO MANY CHEETAHS!!!

Why did the liontamer stop using WinZip?

Because lions only understand.rars

Who would you save first?

Wife asks her husband: Honey, If a lion attacks my mother and I, Who would you save first? Husband: Well, the lion!

What do you call a cat that claims it's a lion crossed with a cougar?

A liar.

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Why can't you ever trust a cat?

Because they are always lion

What's the difference between a tiger and a lion?

A tiger has the mane part missing!

What if the lion's too close?

Picking up tiny stool "we've thought of that"

What did the zoo employee say to the big cat?

Why you always lion

Why are lions more religious than other animals?

They prey regularly.

Why was the lions stomach enormous?

Because he finally swallowed his pride

Why did the lion spit out the clown?

Because he tasted funny.

What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane?

A dandy lion!

What does a lion at the beach have in common with Christmas?

They both have Sandy Claws.

What did the lion say to the antelope?

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?

Let us prey.

What do you call a show full of lions?

The mane event!

What do you call Usain Bolt when he's running from a lion?

Fast food

Why did the zoo close the big cat exhibit?

Because they just kept lion around!

What are the 2 reasons the girl broke up with her boyfriend?

Because he was a cheetah and because he was lion too much to her.

What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?

Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'

When is a lion not a lion?

When he turns into his cage!

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What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?

Close the door.

Why do college students already get up at 7?

Because the supermarket closes at 7:30

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Why was Cinderella able to surf the web?

Because he footman turned into a mouse.

When is a car, not a car?

When it turns into a driveway.

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What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?

Barbers.

Why did Patrick Stewart shave his head?

So he could badly go where no man has gone before.

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What does Snoop Lion do when he forgets to wear oven mitts?

Drops it like it's hot.

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What's the difference between a tiger and a lion?

A tiger has the mane part missing!

What kind of mane does a Chinese lion have?

Lo mein.

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What kind of money does Mario use?

8-bitcoins

What should you do when your girlfriend starts smoking??

Slow down and maybe use some lube...

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How do you turn a seal into a sea lion?

Remove an electron.

Who is a Sea Lion's favorite composer?

Orff Orff Orff Orff!

Slave Jokes More Slave Jokes

How do we know that slaves went to college?

They all had masters

What's the difference between the Red Hot Chili Peppers and Harriet Tubman?

Harriet Tubman was a heroine to the slaves, but the Red Hot Chili Peppers were slaves to heroin.