What do you do when your wife starts smoking?

Slow down and apply lube

This joke may have profanity.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What's the problem?

Wife: He makes friends with the strangest things Me petting a bee: You're not strange are you Alan

What did Bob Marley say to his wife after he opened the fridge?

No, Woman, no pie.

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What do you call it when you smoke weed and work out at the same time?

Getting all high and mighty

What happens when Turkeys get the common cold?

They quit smoking.

Lube Jokes More Lube Jokes

How do you get your girlfriend to stop smoking?

Slow down and use some lube

How can you tell if you bought lube from Tumblr?

Because it Lubri-Can't Even!

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

How do I know you're not a cop -If I was a cop would I do this?

Starts breakdancing* Thats not as much proof as you think it is

What type of pants do you need to start a car?

Cargo pants

Slow Jokes More Slow Jokes

How do you stop your children from smoking?

Slow down and use some lubricant.

Why should you slow down to let another car move into your lane?

Good karma.

Apply Jokes More Apply Jokes

What do a UT Austin student and a Texas A&ampM student have in common?

They both applied to UT Austin

What Would Beyonce Do?

Would she apply for a job Nope. She'd just show up one day like "I work here now."