What do you do when your wife starts smoking?

Slow down and apply lube

This joke may have profanity.
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What's dad's best one-liner?

My wife.

What candy do you give your wife before you get married?

Pre-nup brittle.

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How do you stop your children from smoking?

Slow down and use some lubricant.

How do you know that someone likes to smoke weed?

Don't worry they'll tell you.

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How do you get your girlfriend to stop smoking?

Slow down and use some lube

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What's the difference beetwen public official and private employee?

Private employee starts work checking email. Public official starts works making a coffee.

What do bees say to psych themselves up at the start of their day?

Leeeeeetttttssss get rrrrrrrrrready to Buuuuuuummmmmmmmmmbbbbbbllllllleeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

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What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down and use Lubricant.

How do you get your girlfriend to stop smoking?

Slow down and use some lube

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How many applicants does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but 200 applied for the job.

What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied?

Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!