British Jokes

What did the American biscuit say to the British biscuit?

Girl you sure are sweet.

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What do you call a British guy who throws a spear through the knee?

Britney Spears

What do you call a British nanny with an MDMA addiction?

Molly Poppins.

What do British girls do to hearts?

Brexit

What do British people call concrete?

Arsephalt

What do you call a short sleeved British shirt?

A tea-shirt. Please don't hurt me.

Why did the midget who drove British cars get cabin fever?

He was mini cooped up for to long.

How British is Adele?

She would call you at least 1000 times to tell how sorry she is.

What is a British Scholar's favorite store?

Finks

What does a British midget get when he is told he is going to be crucified?

He gets a little cross.

What language do British wrenches speech?

Spanish!

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What is a British person's favorite cereal?

Cheerios. say it in a British accent

What do you call a British dinosaur?

A tea rex.

What drove the British mystery fan insane?

He lost his Marples.

What's the difference between a tea cup and pea cup?

A teacup is what the British drink out of and a pea cup is what the Mexicans drive.

Whats the least paying job?

British dentist.

What does a member of the British Royal Family say when they are reaching climax?

I"m arriving, I'm arriving."

What does a British man say when he's about to climax?

I'm arriving

What's the best way for an American to lose weight?

Gamble in British currency.

How do you greet a British programmer named Cathryn?

Allo-cate

Why is it so confusing to play chess with the British?

It's only check, mate

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What did Mrs Revere say when Paul got on a gorilla to warn the farmers that the British were coming?

Paul stop monkeying around!

How do you find a British person in a crowd?

1. Shout 0800 00 2. Wait for them to shout 1066.

What's that diving?

Is it a bird, Is it a plane... No it's the British Pound...

What does British toilet paper and John Wayne have in common?

It's rough, and tough, and doesn't take any crap.

Why was Timothy, the British astronaut, selected to go to the ISS?

He was in Peake condition.

Why didn't British explorers dig latrines?

They had pith helmets.

Why'd the British man cross the ocean?

Freedom.

What did Gandhi say to the British, after they asked him to move?

Nah, mastay

What did the American accountant say to his British counterpart?

Mind the GAAP.

What did the British proton say after 5 cups of coffee?

I feel positively charged!

Why are all ants British?

Because they colonize.

What's better than having a 'Brexit' vote about Britain leaving the EU?

Not being British.

How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but it takes him seven weeks to get there.

What's a British student's favourite drink?

M.I.Tea

How do you tell a British guy that it's his turn to play ball?

Europe

What did Stevie Wonder's younger brother think their parents named him after British royalty?

Because they named him Stevie Twoder.

What's the difference between British crisps and foreign crisps?

One are Walkers and the others just Lays around.

What organ do only British people have?

The Eng gland.

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but it takes him seven weeks to get there.

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Cop Jokes More Cop Jokes

Why did the cop stink?

Because he fell asleep on duty.

Why can't the cops keep calm and carry on?

Because they carry guns instead

Brexit Jokes More Brexit Jokes

What is the main reason people are voting for Brexit?

When asked if they want to be economically joined with Greece, all they can say is "eeeeuuuuuuu"

What do British girls do to hearts?

Brexit

Ethiopian Jokes More Ethiopian Jokes

What's the fastest land animal on earth?

An Ethiopian chicken

How do you recognize a rich ethiopian?

He only wears Rolex around his waist.

Poppin Jokes More Poppin Jokes

What do you call a British nanny with an MDMA addiction?

Molly Poppins.

What's a theif's favorite dance move?

Poppin' locks

Swiss Jokes More Swiss Jokes

How many Swiss does it take to change a light bulb?

None. We pay a German to do it.

What do you call a Swiss priest?

A Holy Cheese!

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between MLK day and St. Patty's day?

On St Patty's day everyone wants to be Irish.

What's the difference between a frog?

One leg's both the same.

Hell Jokes More Hell Jokes

How do you make holy water?

Boil the hell out of it.

Why did Satan keep growing his herb garden even when his oregano died each time?

Because he always had a Hell of a good thyme.

Jamaican Jokes More Jamaican Jokes

What do you called an unemployed Jamaican?

Jah Bless

What kind of cuisine did the rude Jamaican serve?

Caribbean Jerk. Ayyyyy!