British Jokes

What did the American biscuit say to the British biscuit?

Girl you sure are sweet.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

What do you call a British guy who throws a spear through the knee?

Britney Spears

What do you call a British nanny with an MDMA addiction?

Molly Poppins.

What do British girls do to hearts?

Brexit

What do British people call concrete?

Arsephalt

What do you call a short sleeved British shirt?

A tea-shirt. Please don't hurt me.

Why did the midget who drove British cars get cabin fever?

He was mini cooped up for to long.

How British is Adele?

She would call you at least 1000 times to tell how sorry she is.

What is a British Scholar's favorite store?

Finks

What does a British midget get when he is told he is going to be crucified?

He gets a little cross.

What's in Heaven and Hell?

In Heaven, the cops are British, the engineers are German, the lovers are French, the cooks are Italian and the whole thing is managed by the Swiss In Hell, the cops are German, the engineers are French, the lovers are Swiss, the cooks are British and the whole thing is managed by the Italians

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What language do British wrenches speech?

Spanish!

What is a British person's favorite cereal?

Cheerios. say it in a British accent

What do you call a British dinosaur?

A tea rex.

What drove the British mystery fan insane?

He lost his Marples.

What's the difference between a tea cup and pea cup?

A teacup is what the British drink out of and a pea cup is what the Mexicans drive.

Whats the least paying job?

British dentist.

What does a member of the British Royal Family say when they are reaching climax?

I"m arriving, I'm arriving."

What does a British man say when he's about to climax?

I'm arriving

What's the best way for an American to lose weight?

Gamble in British currency.

What's the difference between watts and ohms?

Watts are a unit of electrical energy. Ohms are where British people live.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

How do you greet a British programmer named Cathryn?

Allo-cate

Why is it so confusing to play chess with the British?

It's only check, mate

What did Mrs Revere say when Paul got on a gorilla to warn the farmers that the British were coming?

Paul stop monkeying around!

How do you find a British person in a crowd?

1. Shout 0800 00 2. Wait for them to shout 1066.

What's that diving?

Is it a bird, Is it a plane... No it's the British Pound...

What does British toilet paper and John Wayne have in common?

It's rough, and tough, and doesn't take any crap.

Why was Timothy, the British astronaut, selected to go to the ISS?

He was in Peake condition.

Why didn't British explorers dig latrines?

They had pith helmets.

Why'd the British man cross the ocean?

Freedom.

What did Gandhi say to the British, after they asked him to move?

Nah, mastay

What did the American accountant say to his British counterpart?

Mind the GAAP.

What did the British proton say after 5 cups of coffee?

I feel positively charged!

Why are all ants British?

Because they colonize.

What's better than having a 'Brexit' vote about Britain leaving the EU?

Not being British.

How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but it takes him seven weeks to get there.

What's a British student's favourite drink?

M.I.Tea

How do you tell a British guy that it's his turn to play ball?

Europe

What did Stevie Wonder's younger brother think their parents named him after British royalty?

Because they named him Stevie Twoder.

What's the difference between British crisps and foreign crisps?

One are Walkers and the others just Lays around.

What organ do only British people have?

The Eng gland.

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but it takes him seven weeks to get there.

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Italian Jokes More Italian Jokes

What do you call an Italian reggae enthusiast?

A pastafarian

Why does the disinterested Italian man have perfect skin?

Because he's aloof-a

Spear Jokes More Spear Jokes

How does a Reaver clean his spear?

He puts it in the Wash.

How do you clean a spear?

Put it through the Wash.

Bacon Jokes More Bacon Jokes

What's green, slimy, and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's fingers.

What is small furry and smells like bacon?

A hamster!

Hide Jokes More Hide Jokes

What cheese do you use to hide a horse?

Mascarpone!

When the lumberjacks sawed down the tree where did the Gorilla hiding in the uppermost branches land?

Nearby - the Ape-lle doesn't fall far from the tree!

Cheerio Jokes More Cheerio Jokes

What did the blonde say when she looked down at her bowl of Cheerios?

Look, donut seeds!

What did fruit loops say when launching their product to compete with cheerios?

Toucan play at that game

Manage Jokes More Manage Jokes

How did they manage to smoke?

They threw a cigarette overboard, and made the boat a cigarette lighter

How do the people of northern Iraq manage to get so much done?

The Kurds have their ways

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between someone who can mend your pants quick and a famous singer?

One of them is a swift tailor.

What's the difference between an apple?

A bike because a vest has no sleeves.

British People Jokes More British People Jokes

What organ do only British people have?

The Eng gland.

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.