British Jokes

What did the American biscuit say to the British biscuit?

Girl you sure are sweet.

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What do you call a British guy who throws a spear through the knee?

Britney Spears

What do British girls do to hearts?

Brexit

What do you call a short sleeved British shirt?

A tea-shirt. Please don't hurt me.

How British is Adele?

She would call you at least 1000 times to tell how sorry she is.

What is a British Scholar's favorite store?

Finks

What language do British wrenches speech?

Spanish!

What is a British person's favorite cereal?

Cheerios. say it in a British accent

What do you call a British dinosaur?

A tea rex.

What drove the British mystery fan insane?

He lost his Marples.

Whats the least paying job?

British dentist.

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What does a British man say when he's about to climax?

I'm arriving

What's the best way for an American to lose weight?

Gamble in British currency.

How do you greet a British programmer named Cathryn?

Allo-cate

Why is it so confusing to play chess with the British?

It's only check, mate

What did Mrs Revere say when Paul got on a gorilla to warn the farmers that the British were coming?

Paul stop monkeying around!

How do you find a British person in a crowd?

1. Shout 0800 00 2. Wait for them to shout 1066.

What's that diving?

Is it a bird, Is it a plane... No it's the British Pound...

What does British toilet paper and John Wayne have in common?

It's rough, and tough, and doesn't take any crap.

Why was Timothy, the British astronaut, selected to go to the ISS?

He was in Peake condition.

Why didn't British explorers dig latrines?

They had pith helmets.

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Why'd the British man cross the ocean?

Freedom.

What did Gandhi say to the British, after they asked him to move?

Nah, mastay

What did the American accountant say to his British counterpart?

Mind the GAAP.

What did the British proton say after 5 cups of coffee?

I feel positively charged!

Why are all ants British?

Because they colonize.

What's better than having a 'Brexit' vote about Britain leaving the EU?

Not being British.

How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but it takes him seven weeks to get there.

What's a British student's favourite drink?

M.I.Tea

How do you tell a British guy that it's his turn to play ball?

Europe

What did Stevie Wonder's younger brother think their parents named him after British royalty?

Because they named him Stevie Twoder.

What's the difference between British crisps and foreign crisps?

One are Walkers and the others just Lays around.

What organ do only British people have?

The Eng gland.

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

How many British navy Officers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one but it takes him seven weeks to get there.

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Bacon Jokes More Bacon Jokes

What's green, slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs finger (shoutout to Hesher)

What is green and slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's finger...

Poppin Jokes More Poppin Jokes

What's a theif's favorite dance move?

Poppin' locks

Way Jokes More Way Jokes

Why did Mario lose a life?

He stubbed his MiyamoToe....I'll see my way out.

How do you fit an elephant in the subway?

You take the letter "S" out of "sub", and the letter "F" out of "way".

Survive Jokes More Survive Jokes

What do you call a soldier who survives mustard gas and pepper spray attacks?

A seasoned veteran.

What do you call a soldier who survives Mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran.

Ethiopian Jokes More Ethiopian Jokes

What is the fastest animal in the world?

The Ethiopian chicken.

How do Ethiopian parents celebrate their child's first birthday?

By putting flowers on its grave.

Hell Jokes More Hell Jokes

What material does Cayde-6 use to repair his armor after falling feet first into hell?

Nathan Filaments () X-Post from /r/DestinyTheGame

How was your history test?

Timmy: "Who the hell are you "

Girl Jokes More Girl Jokes

Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with?

The girl necks door.

What do you say to a girl with a black eye?

Nothing. You already told her.

German Jokes More German Jokes

Why did the Germans bail the Greeks out?

Because they took Pita on them

What does a German say when you finally explain a funny meme to him?

Danke