Why do lazy people only drive automatics?

Because they're shiftless.

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Why did Nixon never drive on the highway?

Because he always took the low road.

What kind of car does Bill Cosby drive?

A Honda quaalude. (Credit to my girlfriend)

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What kind of exercises do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats

How many lazy people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Count for yourself...