Why do the undead read cringe stories?

Because they're already... DEAD INSIDE.

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How often do lesbian gypsies get their hands read?

Every 28 days or so.

What did the man say when he couldn't get the gun to fire?

Looks like I'm gonna have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.

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What Social Media site do the undead use?

Tomblr.

Why are the undead so angry all the time?

They have mummy issues.