Why does Jesus Jaywalk?

Because he hates crosswalks

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What's it called when you look in the mirror and say "Jesus Christ I look good"?

Using the lords name in vanity

Why didn't Jesus start a charity?

Cuz they're not for prophets.

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How do I stay in shape?

I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it

What day do fries hate the most?

Friday