Why is the O in Opossum silent?

Because it's playing dead.

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What childhood game are orphans not aloud to play?

House.

Why do Australians take forever to play chess?

Because they never make it past the first check, mate.

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What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm?

E-I-E-I-O.

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Why did the opossum cross the road?

To get to the middle.

Why did the chicken cross the road in Missouri?

To show the opossum it could be done.