Why will the USA never go bankrupt?

It will just host a telethon.

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Why is the USA so bad at chess?

Because they are missing two towers.

Why does Mexico never get gold medals in Olympics?

Because all their swimmers, runners, and high jumpers are in USA.

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What is the name of the new game show hosted by Katt Williams?

Are You Stronger Than A 7th Grader

Why couldn't the FBI find Sepp Blatter's bribe money?

He used it all to bribe Canada to host the Women's World Cup.