How do you cut a Emo sandwich?

Trick question, it cuts itself.

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Why did the bald man cut a hole in his pocket?

He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.

How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

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Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock?

So he could wake up inside.

What lands first?

The leaf, a rope stopped the emo.