How does the alchemist please his wife?

Elixir!!!!!

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What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

About 60 pounds.

What did the cactus say to his wife?

Aloe Vera!

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What does the alchemist do to please his girlfriend?

Elixir.

How does the alchemist please his wife?

Elixir!!!!!

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How does a young man make an old woman feel young again?

Elixir

How does the alchemist please his wife?

Elixir!!!!!