How many husbands have I had?

You mean apart from my own

What is "attempted theft" exactly?

I mean it's not like you see school librarians seeing a student use Wikipedia on one of the computers and puts them in detention for "attempted plagiarism"

Where's your wedding ring?

I said, "I had to wash my hands so I took it off and placed it on my lover--I mean your mother's kitchen counter."

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

What do you call a cow who argues with her husband?

A bullfighter!

Why can't witches get pregnant?

Because all their husbands have Halloween-ies!