How much does a midget stripper with three kids get paid?

Mini-mom wage.

This joke may have profanity.

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How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

Are you kidding That's a hardware problem!

What is it that you are both most fearful of?

WIFE: I just...sobbing...don't want the kids to suffer ME: Eels

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Why did the Romans pay their soldiers in salt?

So they would end up with seasoned veterans.

What do you call it when you paid all your bills?

Feedom.