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What are snails trying to do?

Their best

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What's the different between a wife and a smoke detector?

One, you can turn off without even trying. The other, you spend all day waving a dish cloth at.

How did Helen Keller lose her arm?

Trying to read the road signs!!!

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Why doesnt McDonalds serve snail?

Because of sanitation reasons.

What did the snail say when he jumped on the turtle's back?

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!