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What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

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Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

How did the dog make anti-freeze?

He stole her blanket.

Why did the dog lose the lawsuit?

It was a shih-tzu

Damn Jokes More Damn Jokes

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes "Damn!" A bad skydiver goes "Damn!"

Where do we go?

Me: Left Axl: Where do we go now Me: Straight. Axl: Oh, where do we go now Me: Damn it, Axl, let me drive!

Mess Jokes More Mess Jokes

Why you never mess with imported ants?

Because they are **important**.

What do you call a blind, legless buck?

No eye-deer. EDIT: I totally messed this joke up. Please give me another chance with another joke

Carpet Jokes More Carpet Jokes

Where does the Persian air force keep its aircraft?

The Carpet store

What did the carpet enthusiast say to his mistress?

I haven't had hard wood in 15 years.

Shakespeare Jokes More Shakespeare Jokes

What's David Cameron's favourite Shakespeare play?

Hamlet.

What is Shakespeare's favourite snack?

Hamlet du fromage