Damn Jokes

What did the beaver say when he fell in water?

Dam it.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

What did the fish say when it hit the wall?

Dam.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes "Damn!" A bad skydiver goes "Damn!"

What's the difference between a bad golfer, and a bad skydiver?

The golfer goes " Damn!" The skydiver goes "Damn! "

What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog?

Out, out, damned Spot!

What did Einstein's dad say when he published his theory of relativity?

Damn, son. It's about time!

How many house flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just the standard two, but I'll be damned if I know how they got in there.

When one gun says to the other, "Damn dude, those are some nice bullets, where'd you get them?

The second gun says, "In some old magazine I found."

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

LONG) Damn.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?

The bad golfer goes::Whack:: "Damn it!" The bad sky diver goes "Damn it!"::Whack::

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What did the person say when a flood struck his house?

Damn it!

What's in the bottle?

Me: "It's water." Cop: "This is wine." Me: "What! That Jesus! He did it again!"

What did the atheist say when he found himself at the Pearly Gates the day he died?

Well I'll be damned!

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Temperature Jokes More Temperature Jokes

What is the temperature of a ton-ton?

Luke warm

Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?

Because nurses are taught in nursing school to always look for her patient's best side.

Wall Jokes More Wall Jokes

What does a blonde woman is doing with her ear bonded to the wall?

Listening.

What do you call a room with no walls?

A mushroom. Some people don't think that this is a joke. But it makes me rofl all over the place.

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

Where does a cow go when he is so upset he doesn't feel like talking?

A moo'd specialist.

How did the man feel when he got a big bill from the electric company?

He was shocked.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing! They just WAVED. SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Let MINNOW if you are not getting it. SHELL I continue?? No?.. I guess I'll stop WHALE I'm ahead. Thanks ladies and gentlefish

Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet?

Because they can't stop saving their work.

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many factory farmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they would rather keep you in the dark!

How many light bulbs did it take to screw a human?

None, there not too bright with doing anything except showing us where to go when were lost in the dark

Crash Jokes More Crash Jokes

What do you do if your video card driver keeps crashing?

Take away it's drivers license.

How does it feel to crash a rental car?

It Hertz.

Skydiver Jokes More Skydiver Jokes

Why did the skydiver die before reaching the ground?

Because he reached terminal velocity.

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

What do you do when you get to the top of the world's tallest mountain?

Have a rest. (Everest, get it?) Really awful joke, but I thought of it last night and was wondering if anyone recognised it? Who knows, it might be original....

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do with most of his time?

Stay up all night wondering if there is a Dog.