Damn Jokes

What did the beaver say when he fell in water?

Dam it.

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What did the fish say when it hit the wall?

Dam.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes "Damn!" A bad skydiver goes "Damn!"

What's the difference between a bad golfer, and a bad skydiver?

The golfer goes " Damn!" The skydiver goes "Damn! "

What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog?

Out, out, damned Spot!

What did Einstein's dad say when he published his theory of relativity?

Damn, son. It's about time!

How many house flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just the standard two, but I'll be damned if I know how they got in there.

When one gun says to the other, "Damn dude, those are some nice bullets, where'd you get them?

The second gun says, "In some old magazine I found."

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

LONG) Damn.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?

The bad golfer goes::Whack:: "Damn it!" The bad sky diver goes "Damn it!"::Whack::

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What did the person say when a flood struck his house?

Damn it!

What's in the bottle?

Me: "It's water." Cop: "This is wine." Me: "What! That Jesus! He did it again!"

What did the atheist say when he found himself at the Pearly Gates the day he died?

Well I'll be damned!

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Bad Golfer Jokes More Bad Golfer Jokes

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes "Damn!" A bad skydiver goes "Damn!"

What's the difference between a bad golfer, and a bad skydiver?

The golfer goes " Damn!" The skydiver goes "Damn! "

Detain Jokes More Detain Jokes

Where do we keep our thoughts detained?

In brain cells!

Why was the actor detained by airport security?

He said he was in town to shoot a pilot.

Road Jokes More Road Jokes

Why did the pop punk chicken cross the road?

To get out of this town.

Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?

To go with the traffic jam.

Fish Jokes More Fish Jokes

What do call a fish with a Phd?

A brain sturgeon.

What kind of fish is the worst friend?

The Sel-Fish

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

Why does internet explorer ask so many questions?

Because it's insecure. It has trust issues.

How do you spell wrong?

R o n g. That's wrong. That's what you asked for isn't it

Skydiver Jokes More Skydiver Jokes

What is the difference between a golfer and skydiver?

A golfer goes "damn" and a skydiver goes "damn".

Why did the skydiver die before reaching the ground?

Because he reached terminal velocity.

Temperature Jokes More Temperature Jokes

Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures?

Because nurses are taught in nursing school to always look for her patient's best side.

What's the temperature in Motown right now?

Three degrees, four tops

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many Bros does it take to change a lightbulb?

None cuz it's already lit af

How many people from Chernobyl does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They glow in the dark.