Damn Jokes

What did the beaver say when he fell in water?

Dam it.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What did the fish say when it hit the wall?

Dam.

What makes fish smell?

One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Eve, but couldn't find them. God saw Adam and asked where Eve was? Adam replied, "She's down at the Ocean, taking a bath." "Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell."

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes "Damn!" A bad skydiver goes "Damn!"

What's the difference between a bad golfer, and a bad skydiver?

The golfer goes " Damn!" The skydiver goes "Damn! "

What's a Jackhammer's Best Friend?

Cast Steel! Bahahahahah! You know! Cause it has a poor dampening value it vibrates so much! They um. They both vibrate. Well ok. One vibrates, the other reciprocates. That's kinda... Hehe. Heh. Reciprocate my humor damn it!

What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog?

Out, out, damned Spot!

What did Einstein's dad say when he published his theory of relativity?

Damn, son. It's about time!

How many house flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just the standard two, but I'll be damned if I know how they got in there.

When one gun says to the other, "Damn dude, those are some nice bullets, where'd you get them?

The second gun says, "In some old magazine I found."

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

LONG) Damn.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?

The bad golfer goes::Whack:: "Damn it!" The bad sky diver goes "Damn it!"::Whack::

What did the person say when a flood struck his house?

Damn it!

What's in the bottle?

Me: "It's water." Cop: "This is wine." Me: "What! That Jesus! He did it again!"

What did the atheist say when he found himself at the Pearly Gates the day he died?

Well I'll be damned!

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Smell Jokes More Smell Jokes

What do beef hearts smell like?

Honey.

What do grandparents smell like?

Depends

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

Why did Fonzie stop sleeping around?

He got AIIIIIDS.

Why do Italians wear gold chains?

So they know where to stop shaving.

Skydiver Jokes More Skydiver Jokes

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".

Why did the skydiver die before reaching the ground?

Because he reached terminal velocity.

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Why do telescopes like the Moon so much?

Because they find him very down to earth.

Why do green beans meditate?

To find inner peas!

Wall Jokes More Wall Jokes

Why did Thoreau build a house?

Because he wanted to be walled-in.

What do Pink Floyd & Dale Earnhardt Sr. have in common?

Their last biggest hit was The Wall

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a horse and a zebra?

A lawyer.

What's the difference between dog food and a hot dog?

I have no idea...

Adam Jokes More Adam Jokes

Who was the first carpenter ever?

Eve, she made Adam's banana stand.

What did Adam do when he wanted some sugar?

He raised Cain.

Eve Jokes More Eve Jokes

How do we know God likes condoms?

Because Adam was ribbed for Eve's pleasure

Who was the world's first carpenter?

Eve, because she made Adam's banana stand.