Damn Jokes

What did the beaver say when he fell in water?

Dam it.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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What did the fish say when it hit the wall?

Dam.

What makes fish smell?

One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Eve, but couldn't find them. God saw Adam and asked where Eve was? Adam replied, "She's down at the Ocean, taking a bath." "Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell."

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes "Damn!" A bad skydiver goes "Damn!"

What's the difference between a bad golfer, and a bad skydiver?

The golfer goes " Damn!" The skydiver goes "Damn! "

What's a Jackhammer's Best Friend?

Cast Steel! Bahahahahah! You know! Cause it has a poor dampening value it vibrates so much! They um. They both vibrate. Well ok. One vibrates, the other reciprocates. That's kinda... Hehe. Heh. Reciprocate my humor damn it!

How bad is it, Doctor?

Doc: Damn it I told you I'm a mine worker not a doctor. It's my name, idiot

What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog?

Out, out, damned Spot!

What did Einstein's dad say when he published his theory of relativity?

Damn, son. It's about time!

How many house flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just the standard two, but I'll be damned if I know how they got in there.

When one gun says to the other, "Damn dude, those are some nice bullets, where'd you get them?

The second gun says, "In some old magazine I found."

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

Whoa that's a lemon, how much did you pay?

Only $3,200" Dude it's literally a piece of fruit "Damn....not again"

Why do I have a temperature of 101.3?

Me: Maybe you're pregnant Wife: What's wrong with you *damn you webMD, damn you.

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

LONG) Damn.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?

The bad golfer goes::Whack:: "Damn it!" The bad sky diver goes "Damn it!"::Whack::

What did the person say when a flood struck his house?

Damn it!

What's in the bottle?

Me: "It's water." Cop: "This is wine." Me: "What! That Jesus! He did it again!"

Where do we go?

Me: Left Axl: Where do we go now Me: Straight. Axl: Oh, where do we go now Me: Damn it, Axl, let me drive!

What did the atheist say when he found himself at the Pearly Gates the day he died?

Well I'll be damned!

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Reply Jokes More Reply Jokes

What exactly is going on?

I asked. He replied, "A Major engineering feet."

Why the long pause?

Asks the bartender. The bear replies "Well, I am a bear"

Cup Jokes More Cup Jokes

What's the difference between a teabag and the English rugby team?

A teabag stays in the cup longer...

Whats the difference between the English cricket team and a teabag?

A teabag stays in the cup longer

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

What do you call tree sap that won't stop running?

Forest gunk.

When do chickens stop laying eggs?

Henopause

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

Where were you on the night of the 5th?

Dealing drugs." "Louder for the tape " leans in "Healing pugs. I'm a pug vet."

What does FUN stand for?

Some nights, I don't know.

Road Jokes More Road Jokes

Why did the cactus cross the road?

It got stuck to the chicken.

Why was the road in so much pain?

Because it has a carpool tunnel.

Fish Jokes More Fish Jokes

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

LONG) Damn.

What is Bart Simpsons' favorite kind of fish?

Stealhead!

Attend Jokes More Attend Jokes

Why didn't the sun have to attend university?

It's already got thousands of degrees.

Why your oven doesn't attend an university?

It already has at least hundred degrees

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

What did the doctor say When a fruit walked into his office that was feeling like a vegetable?

What's tomato with you!

How long have you felt this way?

Man: "Ever since I was an egg."