Shakespeare Jokes

What did Shakespeare spread on his toast?

Blue Sonnet

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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How many monkeys does it take to write a Shakespeare novel by accident?

As many as it takes submitters to write an original joke. (by accident)

What's David Cameron's favourite Shakespeare play?

Hamlet.

Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army?

He didn't like the phrase fire at will!

What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait?

2B or not 2B?

What did Shakespeare say when Mr. Big proposed to him?

Noth

What is Shakespeare's favourite snack?

Hamlet du fromage

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare

What was the slogan for Shakespeare's camping shop?

Now is the winter of our discount tents

Why was Shakespeare always a good teammate to have?

Because no matter the sport, he would always play write

Why is Shakespeare bad at hunting?

Because he can't aim steadily

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Why did Shakespeare break up with his girlfriend?

Prose before hoes.

What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog?

Out, out, damned Spot!

What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?

TB or not TB, that is the question.

What's Shakespeare's favorite video game?

Sonnet the hedgehog

What is Shakespeare's favourite writing utensil?

I don't know, but it was either 2B or not 2B.

What did Shakespeare say when asked how his wife keeps things interesting?

Anne hath a way.

When you ask her "Have you ever read Shakespeare?

And she answers "No, who wrote it ".... Keep moving.

What did Shakespeare name his pet pig?

Hamlet.

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book?

Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.

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What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare.

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How are an alcoholic and necrophiliac similar?

Both enjoy cracking open a cold one.

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

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Who's bigger, Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger's baby daughter?

The baby, because she's a little bigger.

Why are you wearing such a large shirt?

Second Clown: I always perform in the big top.

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

Why do liberals travel in threes?

One to read one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.

What did the writing utensil take for his high sugar level?

Pencil-in.

Nervous Javelin Thrower Jokes More Nervous Javelin Thrower Jokes

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare.

Toast Jokes More Toast Jokes

What do you call the outer edge of a piece of bread that has been toasted?

Crusty

What did Shakespeare spread on his toast?

Blue Sonnet

Parkinson Jokes More Parkinson Jokes

What do you call a cow with Parkinson's?

Beef jerky

What's the best thing about having Parkinson's?

Never having to buy another electric toothbrush.

Refuse Jokes More Refuse Jokes

Why did the lawyer refuse to take payment when defending the lead singer of U2?

Because he said he was pro Bono.

What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room?

Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

Sport Jokes More Sport Jokes

When you have the choice between cleaning the bath or doing some sport... which series do you watch?

Why don't ghosts play sports?

Boo!