Shakespeare Jokes

What did Shakespeare spread on his toast?

Blue Sonnet

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army?

He didn't like the phrase fire at will!

What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait?

2B or not 2B?

What is Shakespeare's favourite snack?

Hamlet du fromage

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare

What was the slogan for Shakespeare's camping shop?

Now is the winter of our discount tents

Why was Shakespeare always a good teammate to have?

Because no matter the sport, he would always play write

Why is Shakespeare bad at hunting?

Because he can't aim steadily

What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog?

Out, out, damned Spot!

What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?

TB or not TB, that is the question.

What's Shakespeare's favorite video game?

Sonnet the hedgehog

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What is Shakespeare's favourite writing utensil?

I don't know, but it was either 2B or not 2B.

What did Shakespeare say when asked how his wife keeps things interesting?

Anne hath a way.

What did Shakespeare name his pet pig?

Hamlet.

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book?

Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare.

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Army Jokes More Army Jokes

Why does the army want to only recruit married men?

Because they don't want a man lost!

Where does the army keep fish?

In a tank.

Sport Jokes More Sport Jokes

What sport do you play with a wombat?

Wom

What sport are Mexicans best at?

Cross country.

Parkinson Jokes More Parkinson Jokes

What do you call a cow with Parkinson's?

Beef jerky

Portrait Jokes More Portrait Jokes

What did the painter say after finishing a portrait of his brother Andrew?

I drew drew

What's the difference between Jesus and his portrait?

His portrait only need one nail

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

When is the best time to play racquet sports?

Ten-ish.

How do you get a Criminal to stop running?

Play the national anthem

Propose Jokes More Propose Jokes

How did the stoner propose to his girlfriend?

Marriage, you wanna?

How did the pothead propose to his girlfriend?

Marriage.. you wanna?

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

What does a conspiracy theorist say when he breaks up with someone?

I think we should start seeing other sheeple.

When the boy broke his knee, where did he go to get a new one?

At the butcher shop, where they sell kid-knees.

Chili Jokes More Chili Jokes

Why did the momma pepper tuck in her baby?

Because he was a little chili (Actually came up with this while making chili)

When I lose faith in humanity, I think of Chili's just handing out sick, light-up beepers, trusting us to return them. And know what?

We do.