Shakespeare Jokes

What did Shakespeare spread on his toast?

Blue Sonnet

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Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army?

He didn't like the phrase fire at will!

What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait?

2B or not 2B?

What is Shakespeare's favourite snack?

Hamlet du fromage

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare

What was the slogan for Shakespeare's camping shop?

Now is the winter of our discount tents

Why was Shakespeare always a good teammate to have?

Because no matter the sport, he would always play write

Why is Shakespeare bad at hunting?

Because he can't aim steadily

What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog?

Out, out, damned Spot!

What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?

TB or not TB, that is the question.

What's Shakespeare's favorite video game?

Sonnet the hedgehog

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What is Shakespeare's favourite writing utensil?

I don't know, but it was either 2B or not 2B.

What did Shakespeare say when asked how his wife keeps things interesting?

Anne hath a way.

What did Shakespeare name his pet pig?

Hamlet.

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book?

Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare.

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What do monkeys drink in space?

Orangu-Tang.

Why are monkeys pedantic?

Because they love nitpicking.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What does idk stand for?

Literally everyone I ask doesn't know.

How do you tell the difference between a computer scientist and an aspiring music artist?

Ask them what 'unsigned' means.

Hamlet Jokes More Hamlet Jokes

What did Hamlet say to his cat?

Get thee to a nyanery!

What is Dr. Seuss' favorite play?

Green Eggs and Hamlet

Big Jokes More Big Jokes

Why are you wearing such a large shirt?

Second Clown: I always perform in the big top.

Who's bigger, Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger's baby daughter?

The baby, because she's a little bigger.

Sketch Jokes More Sketch Jokes

Why did the math student fail his exam?

He needed to sketch the sine and cuisine graphs but only knew how to do cos(-x)

Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game?

It was a cup draw!

Alcoholic Jokes More Alcoholic Jokes

Where do alcoholics get their breakfast pastries?

Drunken Donuts

What did one alcoholic say to the other alcoholic?

I forget

Question Jokes More Question Jokes

Why would an alien ever visit Roswell?

Fill in the blank or answer the question.

Why ever not?

The teacher doesn't know a thing all she does is ask questions!

Aim Jokes More Aim Jokes

Why do hunters close one eye when they aim?

Because they can't see if they close both.

What's the best part about golf?

It's the only activity where you actually aim for the hole under 18 and you don't go to jail.