Shakespeare Jokes

What did Shakespeare spread on his toast?

Blue Sonnet

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Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army?

He didn't like the phrase fire at will!

What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait?

2B or not 2B?

What is Shakespeare's favourite snack?

Hamlet du fromage

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare

What was the slogan for Shakespeare's camping shop?

Now is the winter of our discount tents

Why was Shakespeare always a good teammate to have?

Because no matter the sport, he would always play write

Why is Shakespeare bad at hunting?

Because he can't aim steadily

What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog?

Out, out, damned Spot!

What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?

TB or not TB, that is the question.

What's Shakespeare's favorite video game?

Sonnet the hedgehog

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What is Shakespeare's favourite writing utensil?

I don't know, but it was either 2B or not 2B.

What did Shakespeare say when asked how his wife keeps things interesting?

Anne hath a way.

What did Shakespeare name his pet pig?

Hamlet.

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book?

Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare.

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What's the difference between a bad golfer, and a bad skydiver?

The golfer goes " Damn!" The skydiver goes "Damn! "

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?

The bad golfer goes::Whack:: "Damn it!" The bad sky diver goes "Damn it!"::Whack::

Monkey Jokes More Monkey Jokes

What do monkeys sing at Christmas?

Jungle Bells Jungle bells..!

Why did the man marry a monkey?

Because he wanted a PRIME-MATE! sorry...sorry twice if this is an old joke

Refuse Jokes More Refuse Jokes

Why does Michael Phelps refuse to aid his teammates in preparing for the Olympics?

He only Phelps himself.

When Lil John goes to a hotel and they ask him if he wants turn down service, does he refuse?

That's all.

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What do you call a dog subbing for a music teacher?

A subwoofer.

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing?

Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

Which side is it best to lie on?

She asked. "The side that pays your fee" replied the doctor.

How many Chinese workers does it take to make a Smartphone?

I dunno. Ask the kids.

Chili Jokes More Chili Jokes

What kind of chili do they serve at the cannibal prison??

Chili CON Carne!

How does William Shakespeare make chili?

With beans? Or not with beans? That is the question.

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

What type of writing is the most profitable?

A ransom note.

What does a pig write with?

A pig pen!

Aim Jokes More Aim Jokes

Why is Shakespeare bad at hunting?

Because he can't aim steadily

Why do I support extreme racist political parties?

Because their aims are white up my street