Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army?

He didn't like the phrase fire at will!

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Why don't I like trees?

They look kinda shady to me

Which actress would you like to get stuck in an elevator with?

Me: One who knows how to fix elevators.

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Why did the cat join the Red Cross?

Because she wanted to be a first-aid kit!

What did Mr. Freeze call himself when he joined Batman's fight against criminals?

The Dark Knightrogen

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What do you call 1000 soldiers with no legs?

An army.

Where do kings keep there armies?

In their sleevies.

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What's Shakespeare's favorite video game?

Sonnet the hedgehog

What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait?

2B or not 2B?

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Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car?

Because she'd never be able to learn the language

Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther's food?

It was on a strict diet of worms. edit: changed pronoun to avoid ambiguity