Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army?

He didn't like the phrase fire at will!

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Whenever I get to a restaurant and they say there is a wait I say "do you know who I am?

Because while I wait I like to be introspective

Why won't pigs take up jogging?

They don't like to get that far from the table.

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What do you call corn that joins the army?

Kernel.

Why did the Pasta join a dating website?

Because he was cannelloni.

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Why does the army want to only recruit married men?

Because they don't want a man lost!

Why did King Kong join the army?

To learn about gorilla warfare.

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What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book?

Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.

What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog?

Out, out, damned Spot!

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Why do Congo gamers refuse to play with Belgians?

They're afraid of getting owned

Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car?

Because she'd never be able to learn the language