Refuse Jokes

Why did the surgeon refuse to dress for work?

He didn't want no scrubs

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Why does Michael Phelps refuse to aid his teammates in preparing for the Olympics?

He only Phelps himself.

What is the difference between ID and ED?

One of them is a flimsy thing that refuses to stand up on it's own. The other is a medical condition.

Why did Rick Astley get fired from his job at the video store?

Because he refused to rent someone a copy of the Pixar flick "Up".

Why did Ally refuse to do her homework, when all she had left was to square the x and y axis?

Cause Allies don't like axis powers

Why didn't the feminist picnic work out?

Because they all refused to make sandwiches.

What do you call a law enforcement agency that refuses to buy it's own vehicles?

The pro-lease department

What do you call a Sith Lord who refuses to fight?

A sithy.

What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?

A Private Tutor.

Why did I break up with my vegan girlfriend?

She refused to swallow animal by-products.

Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocain?

Because he wanted to transcend dental medication.

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Why did the lawyer refuse to take payment when defending the lead singer of U2?

Because he said he was pro Bono.

What do you call a marathon runner that refuses to stop?

A joggernaut.

Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army?

He didn't like the phrase fire at will!

What do you call a candelabra that refuses to hold candles?

A candle-nah-brah

Why did the gamer refuse to join the Boy Scouts?

He hates camping

Why did Einstein refuse to help people fix their cars?

Because his colleagues would call him the Quantum Mechanic.

When Lil John goes to a hotel and they ask him if he wants turn down service, does he refuse?

That's all.

Why didn't the feminist get a job at the post office?

Because she refused to work in a mail dominated industry.

Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther's food?

It was on a strict diet of worms. edit: changed pronoun to avoid ambiguity

What do people who refuse to fight use as weapons?

Their pacifists

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Why did he refuse help?

He was in The Nile

Why are Werewolves such pessimists?

They refuse to look at the silver lining.

Why do Vampires make poor project managers?

Because the refuse you to meet with stake holders. (why yes, I am a dad why do you ask)

What is a good way to describe a tailor that refuses to make clothing for nuns?

Non-habit forming

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?

Stop playing it cagey!

Why did the Buddhist refuse Novocaine?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why did former Alabama governor George Wallace fail high school calculus?

He refused to integrate.

What do you call a dress that refuses to learn?

Clothes-minded.

What happens when the cows refuse to be milked?

Udder chaos!

Why should you always refuse to lend an Ape money?

It's dangerous to let him put the bite on you!

Why did the buddhist refuse novocaine when he went to get a tooth pulled?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why did the woman refuse to pay for her Brazilian waxing?

Because it was a total rip-off.

What did they call it when NHL officials refused to allow a hamburger to play hockey in the league?

Rink injustice!

Why did the hotel manager refuse to rent his rooms out to people?

He needed places to hide the bodies.

Why did the clown refuse to juggle?

He didn't have the balls to do it.

Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car?

Because she'd never be able to learn the language

Why did the Australian pirate refuse lunch?

Because he had Somalia.

Why did the feminist get fired from Subway?

Because she refused to make a sandwich

What do you call it when you refuse to do core workouts?

Abstinence.

Why does Mike Tyson refuse to buy playstation?

Because he is an x-boxer

What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room?

Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

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Hotel Jokes More Hotel Jokes

Which hotel does Link use when he goes on vacation?

The HYAT

What hotel does Link always ask for?

HYATT

Square Jokes More Square Jokes

Why do dogs run in circles?

Because it's harder to run in squares.

What is the difference between a parrot saying "E equals M C squared" and most people saying it?

Nothing.

Navy Jokes More Navy Jokes

Why must you be religious to join the Navy?

Because it's a place of war ship.

What do armed forces at sea feel when depressed?

The Navy blues What part of the Mac's desktop would seafarers miss when at sea for a loooong time The Dock

Fight Jokes More Fight Jokes

Why do beta fish fight each other?

Because they're trying to figure out who's the betta fish

Why did the dentist make a poor date with the manicurist?

Because they fought both tooth and nail!

Dominate Jokes More Dominate Jokes

Why didn't the feminist get a job at the post office?

Because she refused to work in a mail dominated industry.

What do you call an elephant with a poor memory?

A bold and innovative departure from the hackneyed stereotypes that all too often dominate the joke-telling industry.

Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

What did N say to Z?

Stand up!

Why did the redditor stand on a piece of fruit to check his weight?

BECAUSE HE WAS USING A BANANA FOR SCALE

Michael Phelps Jokes More Michael Phelps Jokes

How amazing is Michael Phelps?

He's got like a Brazilian Medals.

What did Michael Phelps say after the Mens 200m?

I would've gotten second if it weren't for you medaling kids.

Homework Jokes More Homework Jokes

How is it when my son has homework,I have to be involved?

Dude,I already did my time.

What does the Mexican kid say as his homework flys out of the window?

Ayyee essay, where are you going