Refuse Jokes

Why did the surgeon refuse to dress for work?

He didn't want no scrubs

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Why does Michael Phelps refuse to aid his teammates in preparing for the Olympics?

He only Phelps himself.

What is the difference between ID and ED?

One of them is a flimsy thing that refuses to stand up on it's own. The other is a medical condition.

Why did Rick Astley get fired from his job at the video store?

Because he refused to rent someone a copy of the Pixar flick "Up".

Why did Ally refuse to do her homework, when all she had left was to square the x and y axis?

Cause Allies don't like axis powers

Why didn't the feminist picnic work out?

Because they all refused to make sandwiches.

What do you call a law enforcement agency that refuses to buy it's own vehicles?

The pro-lease department

What do you call a Sith Lord who refuses to fight?

A sithy.

What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?

A Private Tutor.

Why did I break up with my vegan girlfriend?

She refused to swallow animal by-products.

Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocain?

Because he wanted to transcend dental medication.

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Why did the lawyer refuse to take payment when defending the lead singer of U2?

Because he said he was pro Bono.

What do you call a marathon runner that refuses to stop?

A joggernaut.

Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army?

He didn't like the phrase fire at will!

What do you call a candelabra that refuses to hold candles?

A candle-nah-brah

Why did the gamer refuse to join the Boy Scouts?

He hates camping

Why did Einstein refuse to help people fix their cars?

Because his colleagues would call him the Quantum Mechanic.

When Lil John goes to a hotel and they ask him if he wants turn down service, does he refuse?

That's all.

Why didn't the feminist get a job at the post office?

Because she refused to work in a mail dominated industry.

Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther's food?

It was on a strict diet of worms. edit: changed pronoun to avoid ambiguity

What do people who refuse to fight use as weapons?

Their pacifists

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Why did he refuse help?

He was in The Nile

Why are Werewolves such pessimists?

They refuse to look at the silver lining.

Why do Vampires make poor project managers?

Because the refuse you to meet with stake holders. (why yes, I am a dad why do you ask)

What is a good way to describe a tailor that refuses to make clothing for nuns?

Non-habit forming

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?

Stop playing it cagey!

Why did the Buddhist refuse Novocaine?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why did former Alabama governor George Wallace fail high school calculus?

He refused to integrate.

What do you call a dress that refuses to learn?

Clothes-minded.

What happens when the cows refuse to be milked?

Udder chaos!

Why should you always refuse to lend an Ape money?

It's dangerous to let him put the bite on you!

Why did the buddhist refuse novocaine when he went to get a tooth pulled?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why did the woman refuse to pay for her Brazilian waxing?

Because it was a total rip-off.

What did they call it when NHL officials refused to allow a hamburger to play hockey in the league?

Rink injustice!

Why did the hotel manager refuse to rent his rooms out to people?

He needed places to hide the bodies.

Why did the clown refuse to juggle?

He didn't have the balls to do it.

Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car?

Because she'd never be able to learn the language

Why did the Australian pirate refuse lunch?

Because he had Somalia.

Why did the feminist get fired from Subway?

Because she refused to make a sandwich

What do you call it when you refuse to do core workouts?

Abstinence.

Why does Mike Tyson refuse to buy playstation?

Because he is an x-boxer

What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room?

Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did the mechanic go to art school?

Because he wanted to learn how to make a van go!

Why did the cowboy adopt a Weiner dog?

He wanted to get a long little doggy

Fight Jokes More Fight Jokes

What kind of tie is best to wear in a fight?

Muay Thai

Who do zombie cowboys fight?

Deadskins.

Rick Astley Jokes More Rick Astley Jokes

What's the one movie that Rick Astley won't let you borrow?

He's never gonna give you Up.

What Pixar movie will Rick Astley never let you borrow?

He's never gonna give you Up! Credit to my friend who doesn't even Reddit.

Olympic Jokes More Olympic Jokes

Why doesn't Mexico ever win any medals in the Olympics?

Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim has already crossed the border.

Why does Mexico do so poorly in the Olympics?

Because everybody who can run, jump, or swim is already in America.

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

Why was Amazon angry after their conference with Samsung?

After taking Notes, they realized their was no way they could sell the Fire.

Why did the butcher get fired?

For bringing home the bacon.

Axis Jokes More Axis Jokes

How do beer companies track their sales?

On dos axes

Why did Ally refuse to do her homework, when all she had left was to square the x and y axis?

Cause Allies don't like axis powers

Navy Jokes More Navy Jokes

Why did the little pig try to join the Navy?

He loved to sing "Oinkers Aweight"

Where does the Navy rank amongst the armed forces?

Submarines.

Superhero Jokes More Superhero Jokes

What superhero consists of only 16 atoms?

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!

What's the difference between Iron Man And Iron Woman?

Iron Man is a superhero, Iron Woman is a command.