Refuse Jokes

Why did the surgeon refuse to dress for work?

He didn't want no scrubs

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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Why does Michael Phelps refuse to aid his teammates in preparing for the Olympics?

He only Phelps himself.

Why did Rick Astley get fired from his job at the video store?

Because he refused to rent someone a copy of the Pixar flick "Up".

What do you call a law enforcement agency that refuses to buy it's own vehicles?

The pro-lease department

What do you call a Sith Lord who refuses to fight?

A sithy.

What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?

A Private Tutor.

Why did the Buddhist monk refuse Novocain?

Because he wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why did the lawyer refuse to take payment when defending the lead singer of U2?

Because he said he was pro Bono.

What do you call a marathon runner that refuses to stop?

A joggernaut.

Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army?

He didn't like the phrase fire at will!

What do you call a candelabra that refuses to hold candles?

A candle-nah-brah

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Why did the gamer refuse to join the Boy Scouts?

He hates camping

Why did Einstein refuse to help people fix their cars?

Because his colleagues would call him the Quantum Mechanic.

Why didn't the feminist get a job at the post office?

Because she refused to work in a mail dominated industry.

Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther's food?

It was on a strict diet of worms. edit: changed pronoun to avoid ambiguity

What do people who refuse to fight use as weapons?

Their pacifists

Why did he refuse help?

He was in The Nile

Why are Werewolves such pessimists?

They refuse to look at the silver lining.

Why do Vampires make poor project managers?

Because the refuse you to meet with stake holders. (why yes, I am a dad why do you ask)

What is a good way to describe a tailor that refuses to make clothing for nuns?

Non-habit forming

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?

Stop playing it cagey!

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Why did the Buddhist refuse Novocaine?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why did former Alabama governor George Wallace fail high school calculus?

He refused to integrate.

What do you call a dress that refuses to learn?

Clothes-minded.

What happens when the cows refuse to be milked?

Udder chaos!

Why should you always refuse to lend an Ape money?

It's dangerous to let him put the bite on you!

Why did the buddhist refuse novocaine when he went to get a tooth pulled?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Why did the woman refuse to pay for her Brazilian waxing?

Because it was a total rip-off.

What did they call it when NHL officials refused to allow a hamburger to play hockey in the league?

Rink injustice!

Why did the hotel manager refuse to rent his rooms out to people?

He needed places to hide the bodies.

Why did the clown refuse to juggle?

He didn't have the balls to do it.

Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car?

Because she'd never be able to learn the language

Why did the Australian pirate refuse lunch?

Because he had Somalia.

What do you call it when you refuse to do core workouts?

Abstinence.

Why does Mike Tyson refuse to buy playstation?

Because he is an x-boxer

What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room?

Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

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Prepare Jokes More Prepare Jokes

How does NASA prepare for an organized event?

They planet!

What do zombies use to prepare their turkeys for cooking on the smoker?

Briiiiines...

Cover Jokes More Cover Jokes

What's the name of the Russian Bee Gees cover band?

KGBGs

Why did the Dairy Queen get pregnant?

The Burger King forgot to cover his whopper

Seaman Jokes More Seaman Jokes

Why did the seamen cross the road?

Because I wore the wrong pair of socks this morning.

What's long, hard, and full of seamen?

A submarine.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

How do you greet a Rastafarian who's out of work?

Jahbless

What do a communist and communism itself have in common?

Neither one works.

Pixar Jokes More Pixar Jokes

Why did Rick Astley get fired from his job at the video store?

Because he refused to rent someone a copy of the Pixar flick "Up".

What do you call a Pixar film about Carpets?

A Rug's Life.

Surgeon Jokes More Surgeon Jokes

What's this bit here?

NURSE: ...his heart ME: Hm. NURSE: Your resume said you were a surgeon ME: My resume says a lot of things

What man knows the way to a girl's heart more than any other?

A surgeon.

Copy Jokes More Copy Jokes

What do you call twin policemen?

Copies.

What has four legs, two humps, and is given a copy of Metal Gear Solid for their computer?

Revolver Camelot!

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a meteor and a meteorite?

Ite. Sorry, a kid said this in elementary school and it was funny back then

What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling?

One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler!