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What did the dyslexic, epilptic with hemorrhoids say?

If I fits I sitz.

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Hemorrhoid Jokes More Hemorrhoid Jokes

What do you call a nice guy with hemorrhoids?

A stand up guy

Why are they called hemorrhoids?

Because asteroids was already taken.

Fit Jokes More Fit Jokes

How many talking heads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and another to spin the story until the bulb fits.

Why was Jesus in such good shape when he died?

He was Cross-Fit.