What did the pamphlet say to the booklet when it asked for help?

Bro sure!

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When asked to provide proof that he had cirrhosis, what did OP do?

OP de-livered.

What do you get if you ask a bear to spare some of his salmon?

The Bear Glare.

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Why did Einstein refuse to help people fix their cars?

Because his colleagues would call him the Quantum Mechanic.

When two ants want to run away and get married, who do they seek for help?

The Antelopes.