What did the physicist say to the depressed hippy?

There's no such thing as negative energy

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What's the last thing a Redneck says before he dies?

Watch this!

What's the biggest difference between Intel and AMD?

How they process things.

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What fundamental force compels physicists to go to work on Mondays?

The week force.

Why couldn't the physicist get his paper published?

It was a work of friction.