What do you call 100 cows masterbating?

Beef Strokenoff

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What did the masterbating Australian mortician do?

Cremate

What do you call a rapper who masterbates a lot?

Lil Wayne-ker

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

1 to hold the bulb in place and 100 to spin the house around it.