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Masterbate Jokes

What do you call a rapper who masterbates a lot?

Lil Wayne-ker

Love

Love

What do you call a masterbating cow?

Beef stroganoff

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Microwave Jokes More Microwave Jokes

What's the difference between a puppy and a kernel of corn?

Nothing. They both explode when nuked in the microwave.

Why can't you surf on microwaves?

Because they're too small.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.

What's a man's idea of a balanced diet?

Beer in each hand!

100 Jokes More 100 Jokes

How do you get 100 babies into a bowl?

A blender. How do you get them out Tortilla chips

How accurate is the Bible?

100% at short range

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why did the programmer get a job working with big data when his wife died?

He just needed a little bit of Clojure.

Why did the programmer get a job at the photographers?

They needed a developer.

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

Whose baby was it?

The elephant's!

Why didn't the ghost have any babies?

Because he had a Halloweenie! (Hollow-weenie)

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How 'bout this one?

Salesman: Sir, we've been over this, I don't know how many McNuggets it will hold.

How do you put an elephant in a safeway bag?

I don't know, how?: Take the S away from "safe" and the F out of "way.": But there's no F in way.:

Australian Jokes More Australian Jokes

What Australian city has the most cats?

Purrth.

Why do Australians always win 4D chess?

Double check, mate

Cow Jokes More Cow Jokes

What makes the noise of a cow when you turn it upside down?

A cow.

What did the cow say... What did the cow say when she jumped over the barbed wire fence?

I'm udderly ruined!" credit: my grandma, at every party she's ever been to