Australian Jokes

How do Australian bees please the queen bee?

They bee hive

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Why are Australians so well balanced?

They have a chip on both shoulders.

What is Australian cuisine called?

Prison food

What's the worst thing about getting bitten by a poisonous spider?

You're probably Australian. EDIT: I mean venomous, not poisonous. I am sorry

How could I forget, mate?

At an Australian parliament meeting, two guys were shouting back and forth and one said: "I am a country member!" and the other said: "Oh, I remember!"

What Australian city has the most cats?

Purrth.

What do you call an Australian singer who was born in Australia?

Aussie Aus-born.

How do you call sons of australians and germans?

Men at Work

What did the Australian Chess player say to the waiter?

Cheque, mate!

How does an Australian shave?

Rise up lights

What did the Australian grandmaster say to the banker, when asked what he wanted to exchange?

Check, mate!

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What do you call the king of the jungle in the land down under?

Australian. Yes I know lions aren't jungle animals, but as per common nomenclature etc etc yadda yadda raspberry

What do you call a blind Australian Crocodile?

Q: What do you call a blind Australian Crocodile? A: Crocodile Dunsee

How does an Australian clean is bum?

Bidet, mate.

What did the Australian say when he won a game of chess?

Cheers, mate.

What's the difference between a French kiss and an Australian kiss?

They are basically the same except you do an Australian kiss down under.

What do Australians use for sun burns?

Aloe, mate. I'm sorry

How do you know whether or not a redditor is Australian?

They'll tell you.

Why can't Australians play chess?

They keep saying check, mate.

What's an Australian's favorite element?

Gold

Why did the kangaroo love the little Australian bear?

Because the bear had many fine koala-ties!

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What's an Australian Kiss?

A French kiss down under ;) *first post here, a coworker of mine told me the joke. Go easy :)*

Why do Australians take forever to play chess?

Because they never make it past the first check, mate.

What's an Australian Kiss?

It's like a French kiss, but down under.

What did the Australian say to the hawk?

Good eye!

What do you call a display of Australian patriotism?

Stockholm Syndrome.

What is the ghost of an Australians favourite dessert?

Boo-meringue

How do Australians sleep?

With their heads at the foot of the bed.

What does an Australian witch ride on?

A broomerang!

What does an Australian chemist call is bro?

Bromate Sorry, just studying my poly atomic ions and thought I was clever. I thought wrong

How does an Australian call his friend from the Czech Republic?

Czechmate

Why do Australians always win 4D chess?

Double check, mate

Why do Australians have a well balanced walk?

They've a chip on both shoulders

What do Australians call upside down cake?

Cake.

What did the Australian say to the two people fighting over bread?

It's stalemate

What do you call an aminoacid glued to an Australian?

A glutamate.

What method does the Australian god use to part the Red Sea?

Oz Moses.

What does an Australian use instaed of toilet paper?

Bidet, mate.

How do you order a bill in Australian restaurant?

Cheque, mate! --- Maybe not the funniest buy posting because: My. My own. My precious...

What did the Australian chess player say to the waiter when he finished his meal?

Check, mate.

What is one thing that both Australians &amp Americans share the same view on?

1961

Why did the Australian pirate refuse lunch?

Because he had Somalia.

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What do you call someone who discriminates against paintings?

An artist.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What is the difference between confident and confidential?

Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, THAT is confidential."

What's the difference between a guy with a vasectomy and a guy without a vasectomy?

There's a vas deferens.

Cremate Jokes More Cremate Jokes

Why did the man with bronchitis get cremated..?

He was tired of coffin.

What's the best part about being cremated?

Finally achieving a smokin' hot body.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What's the Top Job Requirement for Deep Sea Diver Position?

Ability to work under pressure.

Why are elephants so poor?

Because they work for peanuts

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

Why was 4 afraid of 5?

Because 5 was a Registered Six Offender. Edit: a word.

Why did the water level in the pond rise?

Because the other fish were crying. Edit: *One of them dies.

Queen Bee Jokes More Queen Bee Jokes

What do Princess Di's coffin and a Queen Bee have in common?

They're both filled with Royal Jelly.

What does a queen bee do when she burps?

Issues a royal pardon!

Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

What did gangster Pooh said to gangster Tigger?

Tigga please!" Sorry, I heard it years ago. I don't remember where or when but I've just been saying alot lately.

What are the symptoms of amnesia?

I can't remember

Shout Jokes More Shout Jokes

Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opener?

He had a bee in his suit of armour!

How do you sell a dog to someone hard of hearing?

Get really close to their ear and shout, "DO YOU WANNA BUY A DOG "