Australian Jokes

How do Australian bees please the queen bee?

They bee hive

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Why are Australians so well balanced?

They have a chip on both shoulders.

What is Australian cuisine called?

Prison food

What's the worst thing about getting bitten by a poisonous spider?

You're probably Australian. EDIT: I mean venomous, not poisonous. I am sorry

What Australian city has the most cats?

Purrth.

What do you call an Australian singer who was born in Australia?

Aussie Aus-born.

How do you call sons of australians and germans?

Men at Work

What did the Australian Chess player say to the waiter?

Cheque, mate!

How does an Australian shave?

Rise up lights

What did the Australian grandmaster say to the banker, when asked what he wanted to exchange?

Check, mate!

What do you call the king of the jungle in the land down under?

Australian. Yes I know lions aren't jungle animals, but as per common nomenclature etc etc yadda yadda raspberry

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What do you call a blind Australian Crocodile?

Q: What do you call a blind Australian Crocodile? A: Crocodile Dunsee

How does an Australian clean is bum?

Bidet, mate.

What did the Australian say when he won a game of chess?

Cheers, mate.

What do Australians use for sun burns?

Aloe, mate. I'm sorry

How do you know whether or not a redditor is Australian?

They'll tell you.

Why can't Australians play chess?

They keep saying check, mate.

What's an Australian's favorite element?

Gold

Why did the kangaroo love the little Australian bear?

Because the bear had many fine koala-ties!

What's an Australian Kiss?

A French kiss down under ;) *first post here, a coworker of mine told me the joke. Go easy :)*

Why do Australians take forever to play chess?

Because they never make it past the first check, mate.

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What's an Australian Kiss?

It's like a French kiss, but down under.

What did the Australian say to the hawk?

Good eye!

What do you call a display of Australian patriotism?

Stockholm Syndrome.

What is the ghost of an Australians favourite dessert?

Boo-meringue

How do Australians sleep?

With their heads at the foot of the bed.

What does an Australian witch ride on?

A broomerang!

What does an Australian chemist call is bro?

Bromate Sorry, just studying my poly atomic ions and thought I was clever. I thought wrong

How does an Australian call his friend from the Czech Republic?

Czechmate

Why do Australians always win 4D chess?

Double check, mate

Why do Australians have a well balanced walk?

They've a chip on both shoulders

What do Australians call upside down cake?

Cake.

What did the Australian say to the two people fighting over bread?

It's stalemate

What do you call an aminoacid glued to an Australian?

A glutamate.

What method does the Australian god use to part the Red Sea?

Oz Moses.

What does an Australian use instaed of toilet paper?

Bidet, mate.

How do you order a bill in Australian restaurant?

Cheque, mate! --- Maybe not the funniest buy posting because: My. My own. My precious...

What did the Australian chess player say to the waiter when he finished his meal?

Check, mate.

What is one thing that both Australians &amp Americans share the same view on?

1961

Why did the Australian pirate refuse lunch?

Because he had Somalia.

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What did the famous musician say the moment he was born?

I'LL BE BACH*

What do you call a Bear who is just learning to use the force?

A PANDAwan learner.

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What's it called when a vampire kisses you goodnight?

Necking.

Why are Pentacostals so good at kissing?

They have the gift of tongues...

Attack Jokes More Attack Jokes

How many gears does a French battle tank have?

Five. Four in reverse, and one in case the enemy is attacking from the rear.

What do you do when a bird attacks you?

Duck.

German Jokes More German Jokes

What does German goalkeeper Manuel Neuer call it when he takes a dump and there is nothing on the toilet paper after wiping?

A clean sheet.

Why did the German get their tailor and their barber mixed up?

They call their tailor Herr Dresser

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

Who is the best Podracer in Star Wars?

Michael Chewbacca EDIT: Some people don't get the joke..... Michael schumacher is a F1 race car driving legend.

What bleeds once a month in the mouth?

Me, when I remember to floss once a month. Edit: account got hacked and showed something different. Sorry about that

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

How are cats like empty wine bottles?

I'm probably gonna die surrounded by both.

Why do cats chase birds?

For a lark!

Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

Why Would Clint Eastwood be Bad at Restructuring a Business?

He can't remember if he fired 5 or 6.

Who's there! Amaso! Amaso who?

Amaso sorry you don't remember me!

Australia Jokes More Australia Jokes

What's the difference between Australia and Yogurt?

Culture

How do you write poop in Australia?

Dood