What do you call a retired professional swimmer?

Washed up.

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Retire Jokes More Retire Jokes

What did the circus owner say to the human-cannonball when the he wanted to retire?

How will I ever find another performer of your caliber? (Source: a dad on Thanksgiving)

What do you call people so good at their jobs, they retire because they did everything?

The mythbusters and ghostbusters.

Wash Jokes More Wash Jokes

How does a Syrian family have a meal?

The men provide the food and the women do the cooking, leaving the children to wash up afterwards.

What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

You can't wash your face in a buffalo.