What do you do if your daughter starts smoking?

Slow down and use lube.

This joke may have profanity.

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How is she?

Doctor: "I'm afraid she's critical". Me: "Oh, you get used to that...".

What unit of measurement did the ancient greeks use to measure their crops?

Demeter.

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What did the weeaboo Southerner name his daughter?

Anna May

Why did the man name his daughter Candy?

She was the sweetest mistake he ever made.