Daughter Jokes

What would be a good name for my daughter who is a synth?

Synthia

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What did Ned Stark say when his daughter told him that she was pregnant?

Are ya?

Why did the man name his daughter Candy?

She was the sweetest mistake he ever made.

How did the farmer find his daughter?

He Tractor.

What did the weeaboo Southerner name his daughter?

Anna May

What did the melon say to his daughter after she tried to get married?

You cant-elope!

What do you call a dead skunk?

A stunk. My daughter made this up when she was about 7 years old. I thought it was incredible clever.

Why did Mr. Steaks decide he would take his wife's surname?

Because he didn't want his daughters to be called Ms. Steaks.

What do you do if your daughter gets dirty in the laundry room?

You washer and dryer.

What do you do if your daughter starts smoking?

Slow down and use lube.

What did Harry Potter name his daughter?

Harry Daughter.

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How did a mom figure out her daughter had hit puberty?

She kept wetting the bed.

Why did the lime disapprove of his daughter?

Because she was a little tart.

What did the black horse name its daughter?

Sha-neigh-neigh. Thought of it at work.

What did the viola say to her daughter before crossing the street?

You better C or you'll B

What do you get when you are the daughter of Rodney Dangerfield and Aretha Franklin?

No R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

What did the Chinese man give his daughter?

A clothes hanger.

What did the hamburger name his daughter?

Patty

What did the lawyer name his daughter?

Sue

What's black and married to my daughter?

Nothing because I'm a good parent.

What is The Rock going to name his Daughter?

Pebbles!

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What did the cheeseburger name her daughter?

Patty.

What does a rock do all day?

Nothing. (this joke was made by daughter when she was 5)

Why is your shirt on wrong?

Daughter: I think you old people call it: "second base"

Why was Mr. Behaving sad?

His daughter was always Ms. Behaving.

How do you impress a baker when you're taking his daughter on a date?

Bring her flours

What if a third team came and attacked these two teams?

My daughter, not understanding football/making football more awesome

What did the radiographer call her daughter?

Imogen

What did Mr &amp Mrs Rockmelon say to their daughter when she wanted to run off with Johnny Watermelon?

But you cantaloupe!

What did the dad say when his daughter gave him gravel for his birthday?

Thanks for sediments

Why did the chicken lay an egg?

To get food for her babies!

What are your intentions with our daughter?

Uh I need someone to sing the girl parts of Grease songs with me

Who's there! Anderson! Anderson who?

Anderson and daughter came too!

What do you call a man whose wife was the Queen, his daughter a Princess and his boss an Emperor, but he himself is no royal?

Darth Vader.

What do you mean the school must be haunted?

Daughter: Well the principal kept going on about the school spirit.

What did the guitar and banjo name their daughter?

Amanda Lynn

What's the difference between my daughter and my driveway?

I don't want to plow my driveway

Whatcha doing on the PC?

Daughter: Looking at peckers. M: WHAT! D: Science project on chickens. M: Oh. D: You walked RIGHT into that.

Why did the musician give his daughters the same name?

So he could yell "Anna 1, Anna 2!"

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Whats the name of a bodybuilder whose a fan of the X-Men?

Huge Jackman

What's the difference between a government bond and a man?

The bond matures.*

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

Why do people love their smartphones so much?

Because opposites attract. (Told to me by 2 students today, loved it!)

How does the balance sheet of a bank look like as of today?

On the left side there's nothing right and on the right side there's nothing left...

Not Elope Jokes More Not Elope Jokes

What did the melon say to his daughter after she tried to get married?

You cant-elope!

Which fruit wanted to run away and get married, but couldn't?

Cant-elope

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

Why can't bears get jobs in Australia?

They don't have the right koalfications!

What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM?

It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.

Melon Jokes More Melon Jokes

Why didn't the melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe...

Why have no melons ever gotten married in Vegas?

Because they can't elope!

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

Why can't the sun talk?

First post) It doesn't have an ellipse.

Why did the bee started talking poetry?

He was waxing lyrical!

Cow Jokes More Cow Jokes

What kind of marijuana do cows smoke?

Moo-dicinal

What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists office?

An encownter group.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a radish and a beet?

I've never radished off to OP's mom.

What's the difference between arguing with a girl and arguing with a knife?

The knife has a point