Daughter Jokes

What would be a good name for my daughter who is a synth?

Synthia

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What did Ned Stark say when his daughter told him that she was pregnant?

Are ya?

Why did the man name his daughter Candy?

She was the sweetest mistake he ever made.

How did the farmer find his daughter?

He Tractor.

What did the weeaboo Southerner name his daughter?

Anna May

What did the melon say to his daughter after she tried to get married?

You cant-elope!

What do you call a dead skunk?

A stunk. My daughter made this up when she was about 7 years old. I thought it was incredible clever.

Why did Mr. Steaks decide he would take his wife's surname?

Because he didn't want his daughters to be called Ms. Steaks.

What do you do if your daughter gets dirty in the laundry room?

You washer and dryer.

What do you do if your daughter starts smoking?

Slow down and use lube.

What did Harry Potter name his daughter?

Harry Daughter.

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How did a mom figure out her daughter had hit puberty?

She kept wetting the bed.

Why did the lime disapprove of his daughter?

Because she was a little tart.

What did the black horse name its daughter?

Sha-neigh-neigh. Thought of it at work.

What did the viola say to her daughter before crossing the street?

You better C or you'll B

What do you get when you are the daughter of Rodney Dangerfield and Aretha Franklin?

No R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

What did the Chinese man give his daughter?

A clothes hanger.

What did the hamburger name his daughter?

Patty

What did the lawyer name his daughter?

Sue

What's black and married to my daughter?

Nothing because I'm a good parent.

What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?

Boss: I don't know. Guy: I'm not coming in this morning!

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What is The Rock going to name his Daughter?

Pebbles!

What did the cheeseburger name her daughter?

Patty.

What does a rock do all day?

Nothing. (this joke was made by daughter when she was 5)

Why is your shirt on wrong?

Daughter: I think you old people call it: "second base"

Why was Mr. Behaving sad?

His daughter was always Ms. Behaving.

How do you impress a baker when you're taking his daughter on a date?

Bring her flours

What if a third team came and attacked these two teams?

My daughter, not understanding football/making football more awesome

What did the radiographer call her daughter?

Imogen

Why are your nails painted two different colors?

Daughter: Dad. It's an accent color. Dad: ... Dad: Can I hear it

What did Mr &amp Mrs Rockmelon say to their daughter when she wanted to run off with Johnny Watermelon?

But you cantaloupe!

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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Why wouldn't the piglet's mother let her read romantic novels?

She was afraid her daughter would run away with a wolf.

What is your relationship with the plaintiff?

She is my daughter. Judge: Was she your daughter on February 13 1979

What's the difference between work and your daughter?

I'm not coming into work this morning!

What did the dad say when his daughter gave him gravel for his birthday?

Thanks for sediments

Why did the chicken lay an egg?

Quoted from daughter at age 3) To get food for her babies!

What are your intentions with our daughter?

Uh I need someone to sing the girl parts of Grease songs with me

Why so long face?

Latvian say, "I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby."

Who's there! Anderson! Anderson who?

Anderson and daughter came too!

What do you call a man whose wife was the Queen, his daughter a Princess and his boss an Emperor, but he himself is no royal?

Darth Vader.

What do you mean the school must be haunted?

Daughter: Well the principal kept going on about the school spirit.

What did the guitar and banjo name their daughter?

Amanda Lynn

Why do you ask for my daughters hand in marriage?

Do NOT say:"Because I am tired of using my own"

What's the difference between my daughter and my driveway?

I don't want to plow my driveway

Whatcha doing on the PC?

Daughter: Looking at peckers. M: WHAT! D: Science project on chickens. M: Oh. D: You walked RIGHT into that.

Why did the musician give his daughters the same name?

So he could yell "Anna 1, Anna 2!"

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Why is Nicolas Cage's radio so loud?

He doesn't know how to turn things down

What's the most messed up trap for Santa?

A Nicolas Cage.

Cow Jokes More Cow Jokes

How did the farmer move his cows?

In a mooving van!

How do farmers count their cows?

With a Cowculator!!

Oh God Jokes More Oh God Jokes

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

What did Nicolas Cage say when his daughters grades came through?

Oh God, not the B's!

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What food describes most men?

Jerky.

What rock group have four men that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore.

Anna Jokes More Anna Jokes

Who's there! Anna! Anna who?

Annather brick in the wall!

Who's there! Ben and Anna! Ben and Anna who?

Ben and Anna split!

Relationship Jokes More Relationship Jokes

Why do mathematicians have a hard time moving on in relationships?

Because they're always trying to find the x. They don't know y, either.

What did the number do when it divided from its companion?

Changed its status from 'In A Relationship' to 'Single'.

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Why was the lobster upset?

Because he found out his friends thought he was a little crabby!

What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets?

She went looking for the three guys.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

Knock knock. Who's there? Opportunity.

That is impossible. Opportunity doesn’t come knocking twice!

What did the Invisible Man's mom say after he came out as invisible?

I can't even look at you anymore!