Harry Potter Jokes

What do you say to Harry Potter when he has a mosquito bite he can't stop scratching?

Quidditching

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How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut?

Diagon alley

What is Harry potters favorite way to get down a hill?

Walking....J.K. Rowling

What spell does harry Potter use on Halloween?

Spoopify

How did Harry Potter get down the hill?

By walking...... JK Rowling

What does Uncle Vernon from Harry Potter not do on Reddit?

Post on Sundays.

How do you know all Bernie Sanders' supporters are Harry Potter fans?

They all dress like Dobby.

Why do so many people like Harry Potter?

It's a charming story.

Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend?

Because they're both cauldron

Why isn't there a college in the world of Harry Potter?

Because even Magic can't pay your college Loan

How does the author of Harry Potter descend a mountain?

On foot, how else? JK Rowling

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What does Harry Potter say when he wants a cigarette?

Tobaccio

What does Harry Potter say after he purchases slaves?

I expect to Potter-own 'em.

Why is Harry Potter so popular?

The story grows on you.

Why was Harry Potter hufflepuffed after his date with Hermione?

She wouldn't let his ravenclaw slytherin her Gryffindor.

Why didn't Harry Potter want to date Hermione?

Because he likes to Hit it and Quidditch

How do Harry Potter fans flirt?

Hey baby, mind if I?

How does Harry Potter travel about?

Walking -Jk Rolling

What if Voldemort's last horcrux was his virginity?

Then Harry Potter would have to destroy it ofcourse.

Why couldn't the pregnent women watch all of the Harry Potter movies?

Because they lactate.

How does Harry Potter do web design?

Inspecto Elemento

Why does Neville Longbottom like herbology so much?

Because his parents are vegetables.

What's the loudest thing in the last two Harry Potter films?

Deaf Lee's "HELLO!"

What did Harry Potter name his daughter?

Harry Daughter.

Why was Harry Potter kicked out of Hogwarts?

He was caught playing with his broomstick.

What did Tom Riddle's calculator tell Harry Potter?

8008132

Why did Harry Potter buy so many golden snitches?

Because they were only a quideach

Why are there a lot of problem gamblers in the Harry Potter universe?

Because they have a quidditch.

What's Harry Potter's favorite way of getting down a hill?

Walking JK, Rolling.

What does Harry Potter do when he gets Ginny Pregnant?

Cast Fetus Deletus.

How Obsessed am I with Harry Potter?

9 3/4 *Credit goes to a tee shirt I saw. I'm not that witty.*

What's Harry Potter's way to get to the bottom of a hill?

Running... JK! Rolling

What do Harry Potter and Kermit the frog have in common?

Hogwarts!

What do you call a ceramicist with a beard?

A Harry Potter

Why is Harry Potter so popular in prison?

Because he catches all the snitches!

What does Harry Potter say when he walks into a bar?

I Expectsum Patronum

How did Harry Potter cross the road?

Walking Jk rolling

What did Harry Potter order when he went to the bar?

Expecto-Patron-On-Ice

What did Harry Potter say when he fell down the hill?

Ouch! I Hermione!

What did Hagrid say to Harry Potter after Harry had a mishap with some potions?

You're a lizard Harry!

Why are the Harry Potter films unrealisitc?

A ginger kid has 2 friends!

Why was Harry Potter surprised when Ferrari won the F1 race?

Because he expecto'd Petronas.

What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?

Shirley you can't be Sirius.

Whats Harry Potter's favorite way of going down a hill?

Walking... JK Rolling

What do you call the german version of Harry Potter?

Heinrich Potter, and the chamber of gas.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Harry Potter?

Santa would never free an elf.

What's my rating from 1 to 10 for Harry Potter?

Nine and three quarters.

Who would win if Luke Skywalker fought Harry Potter?

Me 5: Me: Get some coffee

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Harry Potter Favorite Way Jokes More Harry Potter Favorite Way Jokes

What's Harry Potter's favorite way to go down a hill?

Walking...JK, Rolling!

What's Harry Potter's favorite way of getting down a hill?

Walking JK, Rolling.

Broomstick Jokes More Broomstick Jokes

Why did the witch go commando?

She needed some better grip on her broomstick.

Why dont witches wear underwear?

So they can get a good grip on the broomstick

Sandwich Jokes More Sandwich Jokes

What does a astronaut put in a sandwich?

Space Jam

When lesbians get married, which one makes the sandwiches?

Neither! Everyone knows they prefer hot pockets

German Version Jokes More German Version Jokes

Whats the German version of silent night?

Kristall nacht

What do you call the german version of Harry Potter?

Heinrich Potter, and the chamber of gas.

Mishap Jokes More Mishap Jokes

How is Wolverine's love life similar to a mishap at the laundromat?

Someone else goes home with their Jeans.

What did Hagrid say to Harry Potter after Harry had a mishap with some potions?

You're a lizard Harry!

Diagon Alley Jokes More Diagon Alley Jokes

How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut?

Diagon alley

How did Harry get it in Ron's sweet Diagon Alley?

A lubricantation.

Post Jokes More Post Jokes

What is mostly white, dull, and wants to be popular?

This post.

How can you tell if a post on r/Jokes is unoriginal?

It makes the front page.

Daughter Jokes More Daughter Jokes

Whatcha doing on the PC?

Daughter: Looking at peckers. M: WHAT! D: Science project on chickens. M: Oh. D: You walked RIGHT into that.

What would be a good name for my daughter who is a synth?

Synthia