What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?

Shirley you can't be Sirius.

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What did carbon yell at gold while trying to get his attention?

A! U!!! If it doesn't make sense tell it so someone out loud. Pretty sure this is my first original joke

Why couldn't the philosopher make a living?

He made no sense. I tried, I really did.

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Why are you home so early?

Me: My boss told me to go to hell

What happens if you see twin witches?

You won't be able to tell witch witch is witch.

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Whats Harry Potter's favorite way of going down a hill?

Walking... JK Rolling

What spell does Harry Potter use on Halloween?

Spoopify

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What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again.

Who can shave 30 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

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What do you call an actor from Alabama that is forced by contract to play a certain character in a production?

Role tied.

What do you give an actor playing the role of an angry street gang member?

Mad props...

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What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?

Shirley you can't be Sirius.

What's the worst advice you could give an actor right before an audition?

Just go in there and be yourself.