30 Jokes

How do you get 30 drunk Americans out of the pool?

Allahu Akhbarrrr

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How do you get 30 drunk Russians out of the pool?

Put 30 crates of vodka near the pool

How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?

Please Get Out The Pool

What do you call someone with no legs?

30 a week poorer.

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again.

What do Jesus and a nerd have in common?

Both are long-haired, live at their parents' till their 30's, and if they'll do anything, it is considered a miracle.

What if earth rotates 30 times faster?

Interviewer:"If the Earth rotates 30 times faster, what will happen?" engineer:"We will get our salary everyday" :D Think Greedily Act Confidently

How did Helen Keller break her hands?

Reading road signs at 30 MPH

What's the difference between a carpenter and a construction worker?

30 IQ points. This, as any carpenter will tell you, isn't a joke.

How many frames per second does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 because that's peasants work.

When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building which one hits the pavement first?

Who cares!

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What does Fetty Wap buy when he goes to Walmart?

7 tees, 30 eggs

Why is the man only left with 30?

Credit to Bo Burnham.

What's a magazine?

Asked every guy under 30.

What's the worst part about 30 lawyers in a bus going over a cliff?

The bus could fit 30 more lawyers.

What do you call someone who has to shave 30 times a day?

A barber

What are the similarities between a US handgun and a Feminist?

30 of them are triggered every second

Why do Mormon women stop having kids at 29?

Because 30 is too many!

How do you make 30 senior citizens swear?

Shout "Bingo!" before them

What is the difference between a corrupt cop and a disposable camera?

A disposable camera doesn't have to reload 3 times to take 30 shots.

Who can shave 30 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?

Shirley you can't be Sirius.

How many Irish guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 - One to hold the light bulb and 29 to drink until the room spins.

How old do I look?

9yo: 30 Aww, you deserve ice crea- 9yo: Just like grandma -m but too bad you're not getting any

How many Chiropractors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, but they'll take 30 visits to do it.

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

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Bus Jokes More Bus Jokes

Where is children?

Latvian man respond "Children is dead from childbirth." Bus leave.

What bus crossed the Atlantic Ocean?

Columbus

American Jokes More American Jokes

What do you call an American girl who can run faster than her brothers?

A Virgin.

What's the difference between a Canadian and an American?

Canadian knows the difference between a school and a shooting range.

30 Minute Jokes More 30 Minute Jokes

How long do you need to put the turkey in the oven for?

Mine was dead within 30 minutes (credit goes to my Grandma)

How do you hear a hormone?

Pay $100 for 30 minutes

Cant Jokes More Cant Jokes

Who wants to hear some Symphonies?

Crowd goes wild B:I SAID WHO WANTS TO HEAR SOME SYMPHONIES *crowd goes nuts B:I CANT HEAR YOU!

What time is our movie tonight?

Me: 7:30. It's 2 hours 50 minutes Hub: WHAT! I CANT STAY UP TILL 10:30 "Back off ladies. He's mine"

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a sick elephant and seven days?

One is a weak one and the other one week!

What is the best offensive joke you have? Can you make me laugh?

Read all the other threads. I need new content. The old stuff is getting, well old. Here's my contribution. Have you head of the new drinking game? The mike brown special: stand there and take 12 shots. What's the difference between mike brown and a college kid? College kids can handle more shots before they fall down.

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

How does Optimus Prime stay young looking?

Autobotulism

Why do bees stay in their hive during Winter?

Swarm.

Rotate Jokes More Rotate Jokes

What if earth rotates 30 times faster?

Interviewer:"If the Earth rotates 30 times faster, what will happen?" engineer:"We will get our salary everyday" :D Think Greedily Act Confidently

Why would anyone want to study the Earth and how it rotates?

I guess that some people just want to see the world turn

Tonight Jokes More Tonight Jokes

How many more times will I watch "A Walk To Remember" tonight?

As Mandy Moore times as I want to.

What are your best family friendly Christmas jokes?

I need some for tonight.