30 Jokes

What do you call someone with no legs?

30 a week poorer.

Love

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again.

What if earth rotates 30 times faster?

Interviewer:"If the Earth rotates 30 times faster, what will happen?" engineer:"We will get our salary everyday" :D Think Greedily Act Confidently

How many frames per second does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 because that's peasants work.

When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building which one hits the pavement first?

Who cares!

What does Fetty Wap buy when he goes to Walmart?

7 tees, 30 eggs

Why is the man only left with 30?

Credit to Bo Burnham.

What's a magazine?

Asked every guy under 30.

What's the worst part about 30 lawyers in a bus going over a cliff?

The bus could fit 30 more lawyers.

What do you call someone who has to shave 30 times a day?

A barber

What are the similarities between a US handgun and a Feminist?

30 of them are triggered every second

April Sale

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Why do Mormon women stop having kids at 29?

Because 30 is too many!

How do you make 30 senior citizens swear?

Shout "Bingo!" before them

What is the difference between a corrupt cop and a disposable camera?

A disposable camera doesn't have to reload 3 times to take 30 shots.

Who can shave 30 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?

Shirley you can't be Sirius.

How old do I look?

9yo: 30 Aww, you deserve ice crea- 9yo: Just like grandma -m but too bad you're not getting any

How many Chiropractors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, but they'll take 30 visits to do it.

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

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Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus?

The police made him bring it back again.

What happens when you drop a decimal point in water?

It floats.

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

Why can't guys do the splits?

The banana gets in the way. Banana split

How many people does it take to screw a lightbulb?

Just one guy with a really weird fetish.

2 Hour Jokes More 2 Hour Jokes

What time is our movie tonight?

Me: 7:30. It's 2 hours 50 minutes Hub: WHAT! I CANT STAY UP TILL 10:30 "Back off ladies. He's mine"

What is this movie about?

It is about 2 hours long.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a loaf of bread and a penguin?

I don't know what " "We're sure not sending you to the store!"

What's the difference between beer nut and deer nuts?

Beer nuts will cost you about $1.25. Deer nuts are under a buck.

Rotate Jokes More Rotate Jokes

Why would anyone want to study the Earth and how it rotates?

I guess that some people just want to see the world turn

How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

Max Jokes More Max Jokes

What does a War Boy from Mad Max say when he goes to court to sign an affidavit?

WITNESS ME!

Why is Max always late?

Hey guys be here at 8:15 pm, max 8:30"

30 Minute Jokes More 30 Minute Jokes

Why does your face look like a donut?

Me 30 minutes into dieting

What do performing bears at the circus get for lunch?

30 minutes.

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

Where do intergalactic keyboards go to drink?

Space Bars

What's the phrase for when a bird spills a drink?

Party fowl.