30 Jokes

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again.

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What if earth rotates 30 times faster?

Interviewer:"If the Earth rotates 30 times faster, what will happen?" engineer:"We will get our salary everyday" :D Think Greedily Act Confidently

How many frames per second does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 because that's peasants work.

When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building which one hits the pavement first?

Who cares!

What's a magazine?

Asked every guy under 30.

What's the worst part about 30 lawyers in a bus going over a cliff?

The bus could fit 30 more lawyers.

What do you call someone who has to shave 30 times a day?

A barber

Why do Mormon women stop having kids at 29?

Because 30 is too many!

How do you make 30 senior citizens swear?

Shout "Bingo!" before them

Who can shave 30 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?

Shirley you can't be Sirius.

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How many Chiropractors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, but they'll take 30 visits to do it.

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

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Salary Jokes More Salary Jokes

What if earth rotates 30 times faster?

Interviewer:"If the Earth rotates 30 times faster, what will happen?" engineer:"We will get our salary everyday" :D Think Greedily Act Confidently

What are your expectations?

Me: Job. Interviewer: I mean what do you want from this job Me: Salary

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

How much do deodorant factory workers get paid?

A pittance.

How did the hermit pay for his home?

Alone.

Camel Jokes More Camel Jokes

What do you call a camel with 3 humps?

Humphrey. (I was told this joke by an actual dad, it was his response to one of my jokes)

What do you call a camel with no humps?

Humpfree!

Earth Jokes More Earth Jokes

What's the fastest car on earth?

A rental car.

Who are the fastest readers on earth?

9/11 victims.... They can clear 10 stories in 5 seconds.

Hormone Jokes More Hormone Jokes

How do you make endocrine?

Endocrine is not a hormone.

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't hear an enzyme.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

What happens when business is slow at a medicine factory?

You can hear a cough drop.

What did the cat say when I shut him in the refridgerator?

I don't know, I couldn't hear him through the door.

Canadian Jokes More Canadian Jokes

What's the difference between a canoe and a Canadian?

The canoe tips.

What is a Canadian's favourite letter?

Eh?

Vodka Jokes More Vodka Jokes

What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?

Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.

Why don't the jedi drink vodka?

Because only the Sith deal in absolut