30 Jokes

What do you call someone with no legs?

30 a week poorer.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again.

What if earth rotates 30 times faster?

Interviewer:"If the Earth rotates 30 times faster, what will happen?" engineer:"We will get our salary everyday" :D Think Greedily Act Confidently

How many frames per second does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 because that's peasants work.

When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building which one hits the pavement first?

Who cares!

What does Fetty Wap buy when he goes to Walmart?

7 tees, 30 eggs

What's a magazine?

Asked every guy under 30.

What's the worst part about 30 lawyers in a bus going over a cliff?

The bus could fit 30 more lawyers.

What do you call someone who has to shave 30 times a day?

A barber

What are the similarities between a US handgun and a Feminist?

30 of them are triggered every second

Why do Mormon women stop having kids at 29?

Because 30 is too many!

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

How do you make 30 senior citizens swear?

Shout "Bingo!" before them

What is the difference between a corrupt cop and a disposable camera?

A disposable camera doesn't have to reload 3 times to take 30 shots.

Who can shave 30 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?

Shirley you can't be Sirius.

How old do I look?

9yo: 30 Aww, you deserve ice crea- 9yo: Just like grandma -m but too bad you're not getting any

How many Chiropractors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, but they'll take 30 visits to do it.

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

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Fit Jokes More Fit Jokes

How many Portuguese people can fit on a scooter?

A Brazilian

How do you think his pants fit him?

Like a glove.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What animal do I respect most?

The octopus. I have no idea what to do with my hands most of the time, and I only have two of them.

What did the time traveller do after he ate the last bite of his dinner?

He went back 4 seconds.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why can't humans hear a dog whistle?

Because dogs can't whistle. (X-post from r/dadjokes)

Who wants to hear an appendectomy joke?

Removed

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

How does Amazon Mexico pay its employees?

In Jeff Pesos.

What's the easiest way to pay a musician?

Open the door, hand him the cash and take the pizza

Tonight Jokes More Tonight Jokes

What did the plate say to the mug?

Food's on me tonight.

What time is our movie tonight?

Me: 7:30. It's 2 hours 50 minutes Hub: WHAT! I CANT STAY UP TILL 10:30 "Back off ladies. He's mine"

Bus Jokes More Bus Jokes

Why are the buses in London red?

You'd be too if you came every 10 minutes.

What did granny say after leaving her handbag on a bus?

Allahu Akbar!" I'm going to hell for this.

730 Jokes More 730 Jokes

What time is our movie tonight?

Me: 7:30. It's 2 hours 50 minutes Hub: WHAT! I CANT STAY UP TILL 10:30 "Back off ladies. He's mine"

Why do college students already get up at 7?

Because the supermarket closes at 7:30

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb

How many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Hella.