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What do you get when you buy a $5 umbrella?

Wet.

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How do you sell a chicken to someone who is hard-of-hearing?

HEY!!! DO YOU WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN!?!?!?!

Why do hipsters only buy games from GOG?

Because other stores are too mainSteam.

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What goes up a chimney down, but won't go down a chimney up?

An umbrella!

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella everywhere he goes?

Fo' Drizzle!

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What do you get when you buy a $5 umbrella?

Wet.

How can you tell someone is an engineer?

They'll tell you! (Source: am an engineer)