What do you get when you buy a $5 umbrella?

Wet.

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Why did the storm trooper decide to buy an iPhone?

Because he couldn't find the right droid he was looking for.

When you wife asked you to buy her car, why did you buy her a diamond instead?

Because I couldn't find a fake car.

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Why does Snoop Dawg need an umbrella??

Fo Drizzle.

What's grey stands in a river when it rains and doesn't get wet?

An elephant with an umbrella!

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What do you call a crowd-sourced internet database for turntables?

Wiki-Wiki-Wikipedia

What two places can you find a California roll?

Sushi bars and stop signs.