What did the necrophile say when his girlfriend told him to be more romantic?

You're dead to me.

This joke may have profanity.

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What did the cow say to the paintbrush?

Moo. As told by my kid this morning.

Why should you never tell jokes on the ice?

The ice might crack up! I use this at the beginning of conversations... it's a reall ice breaker.

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What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild?

A $100 bill.

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Homeless.

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What do an alcoholic and a necrophile have in common?

They both like to crack open a cold one.