What does a philosopher put his/her food on?

A contemplate

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How do you get a philosopher off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

How many philosophers does it take to......change a light bulb?

Define "light bulb".

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What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, agnostic and an insomniac?

A person who stays up all night contemplating the existence of dog.

What does a philosopher put his/her food on?

A contemplate