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What does a toddler get drunk off of?

Jack Danimals!

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What breaks when you give it to a toddler?

Their hips.

What does a quantum physicist tell their toddler who keeps asking "Why" over and over?

Because I saw so.

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Why did Apple employee get away jacking off in the office?

Because there are no windows!

Where's the best place to buy jive cheese?

Monterey, Jack!