What does a toddler get drunk off of?

Jack Danimals!

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What breaks when you give it to a toddler?

Their hips.

Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

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What do you call a British circle jerk?

A Union Jack.

How did Pinocchio figure out he was made of wood?

He was jacking off one day and his hand caught on fire.