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What does a toddler get drunk off of?

Jack Danimals!

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What's the difference between Gabe Newell and a toddler?

A toddler can count past two...

What do you call an army of toddlers?

Infantry.

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What happened to the Guns 'n Roses tour bus when it got a flat tire and had to be jacked up?

Its axle rose.

What do Apple and Rose have in common?

They both lost jack.