Toddler Jokes

What breaks when you give it to a toddler?

Their hips.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on a toddler?

A flat minor

What do you call an army of toddlers?

Infantry.

What's the difference between Gabe Newell and a toddler?

A toddler can count past two...

What does a toddler get drunk off of?

Jack Danimals!

Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common?

For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler. -&y (yup, mine)

What does a quantum physicist tell their toddler who keeps asking "Why" over and over?

Because I saw so.

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.

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What do you call toddlers who are dictators?

Dictator Tots

What do you call it?

God: A toddler.

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Army Jokes More Army Jokes

How are tigers like sergeants in the army?

They both wear stripes!

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?

The Army.

Duckle Jokes More Duckle Jokes

What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling?

One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler!

Scream Jokes More Scream Jokes

What's taking the pharmacist so long?

It's just one prescription" *behind the counter the pharmacist is sinking in quicksand and screaming*

What's annoying about going 90 in a school zone?

The screaming speed bumps

Cry Jokes More Cry Jokes

What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?

A tearjerker

Why did the mummy cry himself to sleep every night?

Because he was empty inside.

Milk Jokes More Milk Jokes

What's the easiest way to condense milk?

Mlk

What's the difference between a cow and the Twin Towers?

You can't milk a cow for 15 years.

Bag Jokes More Bag Jokes

What's the difference between a bag of coke and a baby?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out the window.

What's the difference between a small child and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

Daycare Jokes More Daycare Jokes

How do you get Cream of Mushroom in Pokemon?

Put 2 Amoonguss' in the daycare.

Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

Paddle Jokes More Paddle Jokes

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

What do you call paddling down a river of skim milk?

White water rafting.