Toddler Jokes

What breaks when you give it to a toddler?

Their hips.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on a toddler?

A flat minor

What do you call an army of toddlers?

Infantry.

What's the difference between Gabe Newell and a toddler?

A toddler can count past two...

What does a toddler get drunk off of?

Jack Danimals!

Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common?

For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler. -&y (yup, mine)

What does a quantum physicist tell their toddler who keeps asking "Why" over and over?

Because I saw so.

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.

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What do you call toddlers who are dictators?

Dictator Tots

What do you call it?

God: A toddler.

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Why would Gabe Newell be a good president?

Because then World War 3 would never happen

What's Gabe Newell's favourite game?

Angry Nerds

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What do you call a psychic who simply doesn't care?

Telapathy

Which teachers care the most about their students?

Math teachers, because every student counts.

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What's worse than finding a horse's head on your pillow?

Realising the horse is alive and well and how much did I drink last night!

Why shouldn't you invite a duck to go out drinking?

Because it would be a party fowl.

Eric Clapton Jokes More Eric Clapton Jokes

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine &amp a small child?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window...

Why did Eric Clapton switch from PC to Mac?

He had a bad experience with windows.

Jack Jokes More Jack Jokes

What did the thief say when he saw the man leave his coat behind?

Let's jack it.

What's wrong with the sentence "Jack and Jill is playing in the field?

Women should be first.

U. Jokes More U. Jokes

How do u know if a company that just hired you conducts drug tests?

What is the likelihood it will be a hairtest

How do you spell "we" with two letters without using the letters W and E?

U and I.

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

What did the horse say when he fell over?

Help! I've fallen and I can't giddy up.

What happened when porky pig fell asleep at his construction job?

The foreman fired him, saying, 'We can't have bored boars boring boards.'

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.

What do you do when you see a floating T.V. in the middle of the night?

Tell Jamal to drop it