Toddler Jokes

What do you call an army of toddlers?

Infantry.

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What's the difference between Gabe Newell and a toddler?

A toddler can count past two...

What does a toddler get drunk off of?

Jack Danimals!

Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

What does a quantum physicist tell their toddler who keeps asking "Why" over and over?

Because I saw so.

What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.

What do you call toddlers who are dictators?

Dictator Tots

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What did Saddam Hussein say every time he played pool?

I rack.

Why are dolphins cleverer than humans?

Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish!

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Why don't the jedi drink vodka?

Because only the Sith deal in absolut

Where do Martians drink beer?

At a Mars bar!

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What did Peter rabbit say to his girlfriend when they broke up?

Now you're just some bunny that I used to know.

What'd u ask Santa for 6: a speed boat M: like a Lego boat?

6: no M: oh for the bath 6: no M: the pool 6: *doesnt break eye contact* no

Jack Jokes More Jack Jokes

What do you call a man with a car on his head?

Jack

Why was the Jack-o-Lantern afraid to cross the road?

He had no guts!

U. Jokes More U. Jokes

What did the DNA say to the mRNA?

I'm better without U.

How do you spell "we" with two letters without using the letters W and E?

U and I.

Parent Jokes More Parent Jokes

What is the most obvious caretaker?

It's a parent.

What do you call a bus driver who helps old people and parents with children on and off the bus?

A stand up driver.

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What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling?

One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler!

Hip Jokes More Hip Jokes

Who is the most trustworthy lover?

Shakira. Her hips don't lie.

Why does Shakira have such a hard time sleeping at night?

Because her hips won't lie.