Toddler Jokes

What breaks when you give it to a toddler?

Their hips.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on a toddler?

A flat minor

What do you call an army of toddlers?

Infantry.

What's the difference between Gabe Newell and a toddler?

A toddler can count past two...

What does a toddler get drunk off of?

Jack Danimals!

Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common?

For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler. -&y (yup, mine)

What's the difference between a toddler and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would let a bag of cocaine fall out the window.

What does a quantum physicist tell their toddler who keeps asking "Why" over and over?

Because I saw so.

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

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What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.

What do you call toddlers who are dictators?

Dictator Tots

When punching a toddler, how hard is too hard?

Calm down... I'm not talking about MY kid. I know how hard to punch her. I'm her mother.

What do white supremacists send their toddlers to before kindergarten?

Pre-KKK

What do you call it?

God: A toddler.

What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

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Send Jokes More Send Jokes

Why was the hen banned from sending e-mails?

She was always using fowl language.

Why couldn't the alligator send e-mails on his PC?

Because it was on old croc.

Lack Toe Jokes More Lack Toe Jokes

What do you call a dwarf with a birth defect, is broke and can't drink milk?

Lack toes and tall or rent

Why couldn't the infant insect without toes drink milk?

He was lack toes and toddler ant

U. Jokes More U. Jokes

Why do American's take letters out of words?

Because they're lazy, and they hate U.

Where the hell are u?

ME: Well...u know that shop where u saw that ring you love W: OMG YES M: I'm catching Pokemon near there

Count Jokes More Count Jokes

What can a monster do that you can't do?

Count up to 25 on his fingers.

Why do pirates love football so much?

Cus they love to count YAAAARds.

Stress Jokes More Stress Jokes

What do corals get stressed about?

Current events.

What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?

I've been really stressed out lately, I know it's not your fault, but please stop cracking jokes about me

Milk Jokes More Milk Jokes

How do you get milk from a witch's cat?

Steal her saucer.

How do you milk sheeps?

With Apple accessories.

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

How do you get a blonde on the roof?

Say the drinks are on the house

How many Mormons does it take to drink a 12 pack of beer?

One if nobody is watching.

Infantry Jokes More Infantry Jokes

What do you call a group of babies?

An Infantry

Why was the army recruiter in the nursery?

To find more people for the infantry! I'm sorry.