Toddler Jokes

What breaks when you give it to a toddler?

Their hips.

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What do you call an army of toddlers?

Infantry.

What's the difference between Gabe Newell and a toddler?

A toddler can count past two...

What does a toddler get drunk off of?

Jack Danimals!

Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window.

What do a 14 year old and an open bucket of bleach have in common?

For twenty bucks either'll take care of your toddler. -&y (yup, mine)

What does a quantum physicist tell their toddler who keeps asking "Why" over and over?

Because I saw so.

What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a toddler?

Eric Clapton won't let a bag of cocaine fall out of the window.

What do you call toddlers who are dictators?

Dictator Tots

What do you call it?

God: A toddler.

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Why do parents send their toddlers to the army for daycare?

Because they're sending them to the infantry!

How do you get Cream of Mushroom in Pokemon?

Put 2 Amoonguss' in the daycare.

14 Year Old Jokes More 14 Year Old Jokes

Why did the 14 year old Mexican girl end up pregnant?

Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.

How can you tell if a 14 year old smokes weed?

Just wait. They'll tell you.

Mid Life Crisis Jokes More Mid Life Crisis Jokes

Why did the Ethiopian child have a frown?

He was having his mid life crisis!

Why don't men have mid-life crises?

They stay stuck in adolescence.

Toe Jokes More Toe Jokes

What did a cell say to his sister cell, when she stepped on his toe?

Mitosis!

What did the bacterium do when its sibling stepped on its toe?

My toe sis!

Hip Jokes More Hip Jokes

How did the programmer celebrate his birthday?

Var celebration = "Hip", "Hip";

Why does Shakira have such a hard time sleeping at night?

Because her hips won't lie.

Send Jokes More Send Jokes

Why doesn't Mexico send a team to the Summer Olympics?

Because all the one that can run, jump, or swim are already in the US.

Why do church bells never send e-mails?

They'd rather give each other a ring.

Jack Jokes More Jack Jokes

What do you call a rabbit who lifts weights?

A jacked rabbit.

Why is Rose sad?

Because there is no Jack in iPhone 7.

Quantum Physicist Jokes More Quantum Physicist Jokes

What does a quantum physicist tell their toddler who keeps asking "Why" over and over?

Because I saw so.

What do quantum physicists do when life gives them lemons?

Everything