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What famous American filmmaker lived in a safe?

Vault Disney

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If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out, what are you when you're in there?

European

Why can't Americans play chess?

Because they are missing two towers.

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What lives in the sea and preys on mermaids?

Jack The Kipper.

Who, me?

Oh, just living the dream. You know, that one where you forget to wear clothes to work.