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What grocery store does Charlie Sheen frequently visit?

Rite Aid

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Where does he visit first?

Crimea River

Why would anybody ever want to visit New Brunswick?

I hear their bowling alleys are pretty nice.

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What do you call Charlie Sheen in a wheelchair?

ROLAIDS

What do you call Charlie Sheen's brother if he were a financial advisor?

Emilio Investevez. Fun game/running joke friends in college used to play. Wondering if Reddit would enjoy the game too.

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What's your favorite song?

Me, to a baby wearing a Metallica shirt at the grocery store.

What's musical and useful at the grocery store?

A Chopin Liszt Note: taken from one of those horrible "Joke of the Day" desk calendars. It took almost 12 months to get something clever.