What is the definition of an optimist?

An accordion player with a pager.

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What's the definition of a gentleman?

Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.

What's the definition of a school report?

A poison pen letter from the principal.

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What does an optimist call the World Trade Center?

San Diego.

What did the optimist say as he jumped off the building?

So far, so good.