What is wrong with me?

Asking for a friend..

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What were you before you came to school boys and girls?

Asked the teacher hoping that someone would say "babies." She was disappointed when all the children cried out "Happy!"

How much will that be?

Asks the neutron. "For you " replies the bartender, "no charge."

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How can you tell if someone is schizophrenic?

I'll let my friend answer that one:

Why does the mushroom have a lot of friends?

He's a fungi