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What is wrong with me?

Asking for a friend..

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When someone asks "You know what I think?

I say "Yes I do". End of discussion.

What did the scarecrow say when the farmer asked him in for dinner?

No thanks, I'm stuffed.

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What's the problem?

Wife: He makes friends with the strangest things Me petting a bee: You're not strange are you Alan

What's you experience with "Friends with benefits"?

The close thing I came to having friends with benefits was.......... convincing my friend to bring food for me daily.