What's a procrastinator's favorite punchline?

I'll tell you tomorrow

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How do mathematicians scold their children?

If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times...

How do you tell two witches apart?

You can't! You don't know which witch is which!

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How do we know that Jesus was made of bread?

Because yeasterday he died and tomorrow he will have risen.

What day of the week did the 1st calendar day ever fall on?

Do the math! Me: Seriously! It's 2AM and I'm leading a meeting tomorrow