What's a schizophrenic's favorite Christmas song?

Do You Hear what I Hear?

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What does a writer hope to get in a Christmas cracker?

A Pull-it-surprise!

What does Santa say when he meets your wife, your sister and your mother?

HO HO HO, Merry Christmas!

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Why do I always sit in the back of an airplane?

Cos iv never heard of an airplane reverse into a mountain... ill help myself out...

What do you get if you share your Earbuds with all your friends?

Hearing AIDS.