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What's black and looks good on a lawyer?

An unconvicted felon.

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What do you get when cross-eyed and looking at a solar eclipse?

A solar ellipses...

Why is there a wolf in the smoke shop?

He's just looking for a pack.

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What does a lawyer, a pine tree, and a hydrogen atom have in common?

Absolutely nothing.

What do lawyers do after they die?

They lie still.