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When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for two?

I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see her too ".

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Look Jokes More Look Jokes

How many A.D.D. kids does it take to change a light bulb?

Look a squirrel!

Why does Mom wear makeup?

Me: To look pretty. 5: But she's already pretty. Me: Aww. 5: Dad, you should wear makeup.

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

Why are terrorists so mean?

Because they don't like Nice people.

What do you call a smart knife?

Cleaver! EDIT: Also Sharp, knew about this one but I like Cleaver better.

Restaurant Jokes More Restaurant Jokes

Why did the cannibal leave the restaurant?

Because he got cold feet.

Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant?

Because he had a very large bill.

Table Jokes More Table Jokes

Why did the student do their multiplication problems on the floor?

Their teacher told them not to use tables!

What was the most pivotal point in Jesus' ministry?

When he turned the tables on the Temple vendors!

Whisper Jokes More Whisper Jokes

What do you call a pirates thong?

A whispering eye patch.

Whatcha doing?

Me: "Going on twitter to hang out." H: "Twitter is an app, not a place." Me: *whispers venomously* "Is too a place!!"