Table Jokes

Why didn't the table want to be sat on?

He wasn't a charitable guy

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What did the Olive say when it fell off the table?

I'll live...

How do you get out?

You look in the mirror and see what you saw. Take the saw and saw the table in half. Two half's make a whole, go through the hole.

Why did the couch give the table a dollar?

Because it was for chair-ity

What do you call a couch, chair, and a table made out of plants?

Ferniture.

Why did the student do their multiplication problems on the floor?

Their teacher told them not to use tables!

Why are you guys all sitting on the same side of the table?

DaVinci

When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for two?

I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see her too ".

Who has one thumb and isn't allowed to use the table saw anymore?

This guy.

How big was the ant when it knocked over the table?

GiANT!!

What was the most pivotal point in Jesus' ministry?

When he turned the tables on the Temple vendors!

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$19.99

What's wrong with these eggs I ordered?

Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table.

Why won't pigs take up jogging?

They don't like to get that far from the table.

What do you call something that swims, is big and has 4 legs?

A whale with a table taped to it.

Why was the egg laughing when it fell off the table?

Because it cracked itself up.

What did the retires baker say to the Dough on the table?

I don't knead you anymore.

Why did the table love playing volleyball?

Because it was always getting set! I think she gets it from her mother.

Who's there! Amanda! Amanda who?

Amanda the table!

A SQL query walks into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks...

'Can I join you?'

3 SQL statements walk into a NoSQL bar. Soon, they walk out

They couldn't find a table.

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Girl Jokes More Girl Jokes

What do you tell a girl with two black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice.

What is about 6 in long, has a head, girls love to blow it, and is in a guys pants?

A dollar bill you dirty minded people!! LMFAO

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

Why was he woman arrested on a cattle ranch for wearing a silk dress?

She was charged with rustling!

What do you call someone who wears a diaper fashioned from a map?

Incontinent

Shot Jokes More Shot Jokes

Why couldn't JFK be a boxer?

He couldn't take shots to the head.

What's the difference between a bad mechanic and a politician?

With the mechanic, there's a shot something might get fixed...

Black Man Jokes More Black Man Jokes

Why are Batman and black man different?

Bat man can go a whole night without robin

What N-word do you never want to call a black man?

Neighbor!

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

What's a dogs favorite part of a tree?

Stick? BARK!

Why was the tree in prison?

Because it broke every branch of the law.

Sit Jokes More Sit Jokes

Why does Marshawn Lynch sit in the back at the Kid's Choice awards?

He's just there so he won't get slimed.

What's red and sits in the corner?

A naughty bus

Disease Jokes More Disease Jokes

Which disease do hobbits fear the most?

The Bilbonic plague.

What country are you most likely to get a disease?

GERMany.

4 Jokes More 4 Jokes

Why do chicken coups only have 2 doors?

Because if they had 4 doors they would be chicken sedans.

What's 2 and 2?

Pupil: 4 Teacher: That's good. Pupil: Good that's perfect!